When I was a little kid, I couldn’t wait to finally grow up and do things that all the “big kids” did. I was so busy thinking about what my amazing future would be like that I forgot to focus on how simple my life was—when playing with toys was more of a priority than finishing homework. One day, I went from barely managing to grab onto one of my dad's fingers to holding his entire hand. I fantasized about what I would be when I grew up. Now that I am looking my future in the eyes, I wish I could go back and take my time. All I wanted was to grow up, but now that I have, what is so great about it?
Being independent isn’t so great.
I no longer rely on my parents for everything. Yes, I still call them to ask the dumbest questions like, “How do I unclog a toilet?” "How do I fix [insert item here]?" I’m stuck between wanting to be treated like an adult and still wanting to be coddled and have everything done for me. Yes, being able to make all your own decisions is great. I can do whatever I want, but sometimes, that isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I no longer have my parents stopping me from doing something so stupid that I will regret it for the rest of my life.
In high school, I idolized responsibilities and underappreciated my parents. I wanted more than anything to be able to do things myself and was annoyed when my parents told me I couldn’t. I miss going to the grocery store and just throwing things into the cart because it was just accepted that my parents were paying for it.
Puberty sucks.
Another thing no one tells you about is puberty. One day I woke up in a body that was no longer familiar to me. My skin was uncomfortable because it was not the catalog beauty queen perfection I expected. Instead, I was given a crater-covered forehead and a metal-filled mouth that made me feel like an alien on a foreign planet. For a little while, I was not myself and I became the creature that now haunts my humble Facebook beginnings.
My body changed, and not in an amazing transformation like on TV shows, but an odd sequence of disproportionate body parts and strange-fitting jeans. Growing up doesn’t happen like in the movies. I did not show up for school after a summer of bliss as a new, more beautiful person. My body betrayed me. Instead, I walked into school the first day of my freshman year with awkwardly long legs, clown-sized feet and a haircut I thought would look great on me.
Everyone looked weird.
The thing is—I thought I was the only one going through this transition. To compensate, I did everything I could to act like I fit in. I straightened my hair until it was fried. I started wearing more makeup. I wore clothes that I wouldn’t be caught dead in now. I did this all to look like every other teenager going through puberty. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t the only one that felt that way. Now that I am a normal-looking person and have far surpassed my awkward phase, I appreciate those times but I wish that I would’ve realized that what I was going through was completely normal. Everyone looked weird.
Your awkward days won’t follow you forever (except for those pictures you posted on social media). I look back on the times when my life was a little bit simpler and less stressful with joy. Those days seemed terrible when they were happening, but they aren’t so bad when thinking back on them.
A positive note: you’ll make it through.
Despite believing that I would remain in my puberty cocoon, I made it out. I’m still here. After having obstacles thrown at me and weird rumors started (someone said I stuffed my butt in seventh grade), I made it to the other side. Growing up is scary and I am still terrified of what my future will be like, but I know that whatever happens, I can do it. One thing I have learned is that you can’t focus too much on what is going to happen, but rather what is happening. These are years we can never get back. Now is the time to take risks and make our dreams happen, so just take it day by day.
