It’s been a little over a year now since my grandpa died. With this being the first close death in the family I had to deal with, I wasn’t sure how to handle it. Thankfully, my best friend was there through all of it and my other grandma and grandpa were a huge help as well. The second to last time I saw my grandpa in the hospital I tried to talk to him and tell him that everything was going to be okay when I suddenly started crying. My grandpa, who was incubated at the time so he couldn’t speak grabbed my hand squeezed it. Truthfully, up to that point, I didn’t even know he could hear me. I didn’t know it then, but that would’ve been the last time he held my hand. As time goes on and I begin new stages in my life I think about him more and more and if I could talk to him one last time I would say this:

Papi Guillermo,

I miss you a whole lot - we all do. Sometimes I still can’t believe you’re gone and since you’ve been gone so much has changed. You didn’t get to see me graduate, meet my boyfriend or your newest grandchild. And that hurts the most. You’re not there for the good stuff anymore. I got a new car then totaled it, just thinking of what your reaction would be, makes me laugh. I still have my stuffed dog that you fixed for me when I was 6 years old, and having it makes me think I still have a piece of you right there with me. Even though it hurts knowing you’re gone, we’re all really happy you aren’t in pain anymore. I know it was getting rough for you. I knew you were ready even if the rest of us weren't. More importantly, I want you to know that we’re all okay.

Mommy Evelyn has been great, she’s really strong. Willie bought a house, Gabby is starting preschool, I started college and Jeremiah started his senior year. My mom misses you a lot, but the migraines seem to be getting better. We’re all fine and I’m sure you knew we would be. Last, but not least, I wish I could tell you thank you. Thank you for the time you spent with us and thank you for squeezing my hand one last time. I’ll hold onto that forever. If I truly had the chance to meet with you one last time I would probably talk your ear off for hours, but that isn’t an option. I will say this, one day we'll meet again and it’ll be great. But until then I know you’re watching over me and the rest of the family and you will forever be in our hearts.

With a million queridos,

Love, Kayla