Once anyone gets to know me, they soon realize that I am someone who avoids relationships and romantic feelings as much as I can. The simplest answer for anyone who wonders why is because I am hugely afraid of a lethal combination of rejection, heartbreak, and possible distraction from my goals. And yet, I have been told time and time again that relationships are worth the gamble or that I should at least try.

In the midst of these preliminary questions, conversations often end up in some variation of “what are you looking for in a guy?” In the college culture that I find myself in right now, I find my list of “what I look for” to be old-fashioned and rare, which I was often embarrassed about because I felt that people would either tell me that “the perfect guy doesn’t exist” or that I “expect too much.” In voicing myself, I hope to get rid of this embarrassment and find out that there are some other old soul girls out there who can relate to my thought process.

I would like someone who believes in the whole first date thing. Being as awkward as I am given my fear of relationships, a first date is a low-stakes environment.

I would like someone who knows how scared I am of a relationship and doesn’t scare easily.

I would like someone who knows how to take things lightly, because I may be sassy, but I usually feel bad pretty quickly.

I would like someone who knows how to stand up because, even if I make fun of you to your face, I’ll always defend you when you’re not watching, and I’d appreciate it if you could do the same.

I would like someone who is both independent and motivated because I am both of those things, and I hope they can encourage that fire in me instead of put it out.

I would like someone who has the ability love all children of this world equally, even the ones who lack a proper life and the presence of two loving parents.

I would like someone who wants to make a difference in the world, but can still see the silver linings in everyday life.

I would like someone who could travel with me and love each new place as much as I do.

I would like someone who has felt personal pain before so that they can notice others’ pain and empathize.

I would like someone who knows my story because it’s the reason I am the way I am today.

I would like someone who makes mistakes. I want someone who has in-built flaws simply because that’s who they are. Because without those downfalls, life wouldn’t be half as much fun.

By now, I hope you have noticed that I have said “I would like” instead of “I want” in all of the items I listed above.

The would-likes are not enough because no person comes with a lifetime warranty. Love may be a rescue to some but there’s never a guarantee. People can change, yet time speeds forever, and I refuse to be left waiting in an endless line to find a replacement that meets all my criteria.

What I really want is something far more simple, yet hard to find.

While I continue to wake up alive each morning, I want someone to enjoy life with in the present. Because that’s all I can rightfully ask for: with a small amount of faith that perhaps they’ll stick around for a while.