This Is What You Do When Those At Fault Play The Victim Card

This Is What You Do When Those At Fault Play The Victim Card

Cowards come in many shapes and sizes.
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Admitting to your wrongdoings is hard.

No one wants to look like the bad guy, and everyone sees the situation differently. You may have heard that there are three sides to every story, but truthfully, there are infinite. Everyone has an opinion as to who started it and who is to blame.

Then, there are those times where it seems everyone and their mother sees the same issue with the same person; in a close group of friends, this can be a toxic problem (also known as a gas-lighter), but every once in a while, we come across a complete stranger who's on a mission to boost him or herself up by any means possible.

Let me give you an example.

Recently, I attended a concert at a bar packed with dozens of other college students. It was brought to my attention that a girl who was interested in my boyfriend addressed him and referred to me as "the ugly bitch following [him] around."

Now, I was always taught not to start fights but to finish them in the most civil way possible. I know an insecure mean girl when I see one (cold stare, superficial demeanor, failure to make eye contact with those who actually defend themselves), and I'm sure I wasn't the first "new" girlfriend she had ever talked poorly about out of jealousy. Most girls who make nasty comments about people they don't even know cower at the thought of saying it to their faces. This simple fact of life was the only thing I needed on my side.

I decided to confront her.

She was at a table with another girl and a group of guys that were paying her no mind. I could tell she was still staring and whispering to her friend, so I turned around and said with a friendly smile, "Excuse me, I just wanted to make sure you knew that I don't need a face full of makeup to feel secure or get a man."

As I walked away with the same amount of confidence I usually have, I pondered if I was wrong for confronting her or if I had stooped to her level.

A minute or two passed, and then she followed me-- and she brought her friend.

Suddenly, I "had it all wrong."

She claimed to have no idea what I was talking about, telling me she didn't even know anyone in the area. I nodded as she continued to spew lies and make it look like I was in the wrong for defending myself. As they turned to walk away, her friend yelled another nasty comment at me over her shoulder, but the fact that she mentioned his name when I hadn't gave them away. I raised a brow, shook my head, and continued on with my night.

Her stares had gone from vicious to insecure.

At first, I felt a little bad about what I said, but I soon realized it was likely the wake up call she needed. There's truth in the timeless theory that people are mean because of their own insecurities, and it's sad that bullies aren't confronted or called out on their bullshit more often. Some people disagree with the eye-for-an-eye method of solving problems, but in some cases a simple taste of one's own medicine is enough for a mean-spirited person to realize, "Oh, maybe I shouldn't treat people this way."

Unfortunately, this is usually a temporary 'band-aid' fix. People who say or do things out of spite aren't likely to give an apology and are even less likely to change. There's also the possibility that saying something could make the situation worse.

Every situation is different, so just be sure to use your best judgement.

I'm sure some people would cheer me on for what I said, and others would tell me I was wrong for stooping to her level. You can't please everyone, and I know that whether I had defended myself or not wouldn't lessen my self-confidence just as it shouldn't yours.

Regardless, the best way to combat a denier is to shake your head and laugh it off because pity parties and excuses will only get them so far.

Cover Image Credit: Paramount Pictures

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Please Spare Me From The Three Months Of Summer Break When People Revert Back To High Schoolers

They look forward to swapping stories with their friends at the local diner, walking around their old high school with a weird sense of superiority, and reminiscing their pre-college lives.

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I know a surprising amount of people who actually couldn't wait to go home for the summer. They look forward to swapping stories with their friends at the local diner, walking around their old high school with a weird sense of superiority, and reminiscing their pre-college lives.

Me? Not so much. I don't mean to sound bitter. It's probably really comforting to return to a town where everyone knows your name, where your younger friends want you around to do their prom makeup, and where you can walk through Target without hiding in the deodorant aisle. But because I did this really annoying thing where my personality didn't really develop and my social anxiety didn't really loosen its grip on me until college, I have a very limited number of people to return to.

If you asked someone from my high school about Julia Bond, they would probably describe her as shy, studious, and uptight. I distinctly remember being afraid of people who JUULed (did you get high from it? was it illegal? could I secondhand smoke it and get lung cancer?) and crying over Algebra 1 in study hall (because nothing says fun and friendly like mascara steaks and furious scribbling in the back corner while everyone else throws paper airplanes and plays PubG Mobile).

I like to tell my college friends that if I met High School Julia, I would beat her up. I would like to think I could, even though I go to the gym now a third of the time I did then. It's not that it was High School Julia's fault that she closed herself off to everyone. She had a crippling fear of getting a B and an even worse fear of other people. But because she was so introverted and scared, College Julia has nothing to do but re-watch "The Office" for the 23rd time when she comes back.

Part of me is jealous of the people who came into their own before college. I see pictures of the same big friend groups I envied from a distance in high school, all their smiling faces at each other's college football games and pool parties and beach trips, and it makes me sad that I missed out on so many friendships because I was too scared to put myself out there. That part of me really, really wishes I had done things differently.

But a bigger, more confident part of me is really glad I had that experience. Foremost, everything I've gone through has shaped me. I mean, I hid in the freaking bathroom during lunch for the first two weeks of my freshman year of high school. I never got up to sharpen my pencil because I was scared people would talk about me. I couldn't even eat in front of people because I was so overwhelmingly self-conscious. I remember getting so sick at cross country practice because I ran four or five miles on an empty stomach.

Now, I look back and cringe at the ridiculousness because I've grown so much since then. Sure, I still have my quirks and I'm sure a year from now I'll write an article about what a weirdo Freshman Julia was. But I can tell who had the same experience as me. I can tell who was lonely in high school because they talk to the kids on my floor that study by themselves. I can tell who was afraid of speaking up because they listen so well. I can tell who was without a friend group because they stand by me when others don't. I can tell who hated high school, because it's obvious that they've never been as happy as they are now.

My dislike for high school, while inconvenient for this summer, might be one of the best things to happen to me. I learned how to overcome my fears, how to be independent, and how to make myself happy. I never belonged in high school, and that's why I will never take for granted where I belong here at Rutgers.

So maybe I don't have any prom pictures with a bunch of colorful dresses in a row, and maybe I didn't go to as many football games as I should have. Maybe I would've liked pep rallies, and maybe I missed out on senior week at the beach. But if I had experienced high school differently, I wouldn't be who I am today.

I wouldn't pinch myself daily because I still can't believe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I wouldn't smile so hard every time I come back from class and hear my floormates calling me from the lounge.

I wouldn't well up when my roommate leaves Famous Amos cookies on my desk before a midterm, or know how to help the girl having a panic attack next to me before a final, or hear my mom tell my dad she's never seen me this happy before.

If I had loved high school, I wouldn't realize how amazing I have it in college. So amazing, in fact, that I never want to go home.

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What It's Like Being An Introverted Leader

Different people lead differently.

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When you think of the qualities a leader or someone in a leadership position should have, being out-going is often mentioned. However, I don't think that always has to be the case. I've been a part of many different leadership opportunities and programs, yet I'm still the same socially awkward hermit I've always been. Being out-going and extroverted doesn't qualify someone to be a good leader, just like being shy and introverted makes you a bad one, it's about your skills.

When I went to a leadership program at a summer camp, I often heard that I didn't talk very much or I was too quiet and shy for a summer camp entertaining kids, I should have been more talkative. I'd also get a few counselors coming up to be that when they were in the same program I was in, they were also the same things I was and not to worry about it. Even now, I'm still quite and relatively shy person, but that doesn't discredit my ability to be a good leader, or anyone else's.

In my high school ASB (Associated Student Body) class, we took a fun personality test to find out what kind of leaders we were; someone who likes to be in charge, be in the spotlight, more organized, or stay in the background. I got someone who likes to be in the spotlight, which was a surprise to me too, but thinking about it, it makes sense. I'm not overly out-going, but given the right motivation, I don't mind going up to people and striking up a conversation.

I can also say that at some point I have possessed all four of these personalities or traits over the course of my different leadership roles. The reason I'm even bringing this personality test up is that it definitely shows that there are different types of leaders out there, and not all of them have to be extraverted. I tried to find the one I took but couldn't find the exact one, but if you're interested there are a ton of different ones out there.

Over time, I've learned and worked on many valuable skills, like conflict resolution, time management, actually listening to what others have to say, and more. I keep myself up to date with my surroundings and what's going on in the world, and I still meet and hang out with people, when I have time. People grow and learn on their own pace, we should let them without overly critiquing them.

In the end, whether someone is out-going or not shouldn't determine the ability they have to be a good leader, sure in some cases it's better to more extraverted, but it's not a make or break trait. So long as they have their mind in the right place and know how to handle different tasks and situations, it doesn't matter.

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