Unfortunately, the chance of being sexually assaulted on a college campus is alarmingly high. According to rainn.org, 11.2 percent of all students experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence or incapacitation (among all graduate and undergraduate students). To add insult to injury, not even a third of college students found guilty of sexual assault are kicked out of school. For survivors, this is living hell. Seeing your attacker on a daily basis is not only re-traumatizing, but prevents proper healing. If you, or someone you know, falls into this statistic, then please pay close attention to the list below to help deal with the rapist being on campus.
1. Take self-defense classes.
After sexual violence, survivors typically feel powerless and weak. They were taken advantage of during an incredibly vulnerable moment and will likely never trust others the same again. One of the best ways to regain power is to enroll in self-defense classes. Even if the attack wasn't violent, it's nice having a physical skill set to prevent possible attacks.
If you're in the Burlington, Vermont area, I highly suggest looking into classes with The Safety Team. The Safety Team is a group of seven bad-ass women dedicated to the empowerment, resiliency and well-being of women. Together, they have over fifty years experience in martial arts. They are very sensitive to the needs of survivors and will never force you into training that may be triggering.
For more information about their programs, contact them at christine@thesafetyteam.org .
2. Tell anyone and everyone possible.
The Title IX investigators may have failed you, but students and professors are another story. Since your encounters with these people are more frequent, they recognize you as a human being and not just a case to work on. That's not to say all investigators are heartless soul-sucking parasites, but they're only doing their job. They're required to be "sympathetic" to the victims and the rapists. I'm not sure about you, but I don't trust anyone who's remotely civil to rapists.
Regardless, it's important to inform people of what happened. Remaining silent gives your attacker more power over you. It allows them to flourish in a world that's ignorant to what they really are. When more people know, that world shatters. When more people know, your support system grows. If you tell enough people, you can create an environment that can force your attacker to leave.
Keep in mind that you don't need to be overly specific in order to tell people. A simple "Hey stay away from _____, I heard (he/she/they) are dangerous" will be enough for most rational people.
3. Walk around campus with friends.
It's natural to feel unsafe in the environment where you were assaulted or raped. Chances are you'll never want to set foot in that area again, but when that area is your campus, things get a bit complicated.
The best way to combat this fear is to walk around with friends whenever possible. In the early months following the attack, the last thing you want to do is be alone, especially if your rapist is still on campus. Being with friends minimizes feelings of helplessness and being unsafe. After a while, this will build confidence, and eventually, you'll be able to walk around alone again.
4. Get a weapon.
Feeling absolutely powerless after the attack is normal and expected. You were taken advantage of at an incredibly vulnerable stage and now feel unsafe everywhere. If you think you could use one properly and/or only in a time of need, consider getting a weapon. Having a knife or a taser in your backpack can't hurt, unless your attacker tries to harm you, in which case that knife or taser will hurt them. I'm not saying resort to violence for no reason, but you have the right to protect yourself and they have NO right to ever touch you.
Before you purchase a knife or taser, be sure to look up your state's legal carrying laws. If you don't feel comfortable carrying around an actual weapon, consider these discreet everyday items instead.
5. Get a No Contact Order and/or a restraining order.
Most college campuses should offer survivors a No Contact Order (NCO) during the investigation process. It's a strict set of rules meant to keep the rapist away from the survivor and vice versa. Contact of any kind is forbidden, and if accidental encounters happen, then the rapist is the one who has to make an effort to leave. NCOs can even prevent both parties from being in any classes together and can be issued without a full investigation.
If your college doesn't offer NCOs, consider reporting them to the Office of Civil Rights for violating Title IX, then consider filing for a restraining order. Though the process is much more intensive, it offers far more support and safety than a NCO.
Hopefully, any of these suggestions will provide peace of mind for you or someone you know. Recovery is hard, and trying to do so with your attacker on campus is even harder. No matter what, remember that you are worthy of healing.
