As children we all watched movies, heard stories from our family and friends, and dreamt of the day when we would finally be free, off to college to make our own decisions without the reign of parents watching over us. This dream is enforced and built upon during each college visit, and when one finally selects their institution of choice, on orientation day too. I cannot count the number of times I have heard phrases like: "You'll meet your soulmate here, maybe he/she is even in this room!" "You'll make friendships that will last forever!" "You'll meet so many new people!" "There's so much to do!" "You'll love it, and fit right in!" "These are the best four years of your life!" These promises and more are told to young people endlessly and with endless enthusiasm, portraying college as a huge social event in which lasting bonds are formed as soon as you set foot on campus. With all of the clubs, activities, sporting events, and oh right, homework, one should never find themselves bored or without an offer they can't resist.

I have never feared coming to college. It has been something I've looked forward to, not for the reason of moving away from home and being on my own, but because of the people I would meet and opportunities to learn, grow, and be challenged that I would be presented with, much more so than I was in high school. However, after living on campus for just about three weeks, I have realized that this transition is a whole lot harder than any orientation session ever made it sound.

Your entire life changes when you come to college, and it definitely isn't an easy task in any sense trying to readjust to this new atmosphere. On top of figuring out where your classes are and how to tackle the immense workload, you are also responsible for finding friends, clubs, activities, and yourself along the way. While making a life here, you have to keep in contact with your home and figure out how to sustain any prior relationships, romantic or otherwise. A friend of mine put it nicely, saying, "You've built up this whole identity in high school, people know who you are. But here, you have no identity, people don't know you, and so you have to build that identity again, for yourself and from the start".

I wouldn't say that I am a shy person, I love to talk and find things in common while getting to know people. However, when surrounded by 20,000 other students who all present themselves as outgoing and social, meeting several new people every day, it's hard for me to reach out and say hello. It takes time for me to feel comfortable talking with someone and when you're like me and do much better one-on-one, meeting people and socializing in groups from the start makes it that much harder to speak and share about myself. Along with the social aspect comes the party scene. Obviously people party in college, and it is completely one's own choice whether or not you choose to partake, but I personally choose the latter. Spending Welcome Weekend on campus, when everything was still practically brand new, and I hadn't met too many people outside of my room, let alone outside of my dorm, it felt to me as if everyone was going out and I was the only one choosing to stay in. I tried desperately to find someone who was doing something else, but after being turned down by several I decided to just stay in my room by myself.

Due to the social atmosphere I was experiencing, I felt super lonely here the first two weeks. Not because I missed my family so much (I did miss them too), but because I felt I didn't have anything in common with anyone here. Feeling that way caused me to be afraid of being myself for the fear that people would think I was weird and different and wouldn't like me for me. I felt as if I had to tone down my personality and beliefs so as not to offend or make others uncomfortable.

Like many students, I went home Labor Day weekend. My hometown is three hours away in a different state from my university, and honestly, when leaving last Friday, I could not wait to get away. I wanted time alone with which I could do as I pleased, without interacting with new people at all hours of the day. I wanted to sleep, to think, to spend time with my family and friends, and to not worry about making choices that would warrant me the approval of others. I had had enough of college life and upon arriving at home I didn't want to go back. It is so much easier being surrounded by people you already know, family and friends who don't care if you mess up or are gross or eat cake multiple times a day. You are free to be yourself because everyone knows that's just who you are, and everyone you care about is okay with it. At home you know where everything is and aren't in a constant state of confusion as to what is going on. Home is home for a reason.

Needless to say, all of this change and all of these emotions led to a few breakdowns on my end. However, by the time I had finished driving the three hours back to campus on Monday, (because yes, I had to go back) I am happy to report that my thoughts had changed.

I enjoy listening to sermons sometimes, and since I have access to quite a few through an app on my phone, on the drive back to school I listened to three hours of them. I learned about how credentials mean nothing if our hearts aren't in the right place, and about how to praise and trust in God when life stinks, and about how our minds deceive us into making poor decisions, and about how there is no possible way (despite what some people may think or try to justify) we can become 'unsaved' once we accept that Christ died for us. My favorite part about listening to sermons is when the message they address is exactly what I need to hear.

Life is certainly not always going to be easy, and that doesn't mean that it's wrong or should be playing out in a different way. Despite feeling so alone in my personality and beliefs here on campus, I know that I am not and that it will just take some searching to find the right people for me, those who lift me up, help me grow, and hold me accountable.

Throughout this week I have done my absolute best to keep a positive attitude when negative thoughts about myself or the situation I'm faced with creep into my head. Instead, I try to focus on the fact that I am beyond blessed to be at this university and to be receiving an education enabling me to be and to do whatever I want in life. I have put my trust in God and started doing what makes me happy instead of what I think will make others happy. I'm a Christian, and studious, and silly, and ambitious, and caring, and I'm not going to be any less because I'm worried about what someone else thinks. In just this short time, I can already see a difference in my experience after changing my mindset. This week alone I have connected with several new organizations and people, and have built upon the early friendships I had started from the past two weeks. Beyond that, I've felt better about being away from home and about handling relationships with my family, friends, and boyfriend.

While this story is my own, I know that I am not alone in feeling the things I have. At a small bible study I attended this week, one of the girls mentioned that it seemed as though everyone else was meeting so many people and making so many friends, and in comparison she felt like she wasn't keeping up in either regard. Upon hearing her speak I knew that I needed to write this, not only for myself but for all of the others out there who have doubted where they're at, who they are, and what they're doing at this point in their lives.

So no, college is not exactly like what they tell you it will be, at least not at first. But the experience is entirely yours to take and make of it what you please. So yes, all of the worry and loneliness in the beginning is totally worth it, because once you leave that stage you'll find yourself to be part of something bigger than yourself, surrounded by people who will never leave your side.