Ten years ago, I was a third grade dweeb who regrettably wore crocs and cargo shorts. Ten years ago, George W. Bush was president, and I couldn't have given a rats butt. Ten years ago, my biggest struggle was that damn multiplication timed test. Ten years ago, I didn't care about anything besides Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez taking over East High, beating my neighbor in Dance Dance Revolution 2, and listening to the jams all the cool kids listened to. I think it’s time we look back at the iconic hits of 2006 and what the lyrics were really saying… through the eyes of third grade me.
1. Daniel Powter- Bad Day
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile, and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
Daniel was an inspiration to us all. He really was able to capture the life of the time. He truly knew that I had a bad day, and you want to know why my day was bad? I’ll tell you why, it’s because good ole Momma Kelly wouldn’t take me to go get Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream. I would sing my heart out because finally someone understood my pain. Daniel knew that behind those staged family photos my heart was in shambles. I mean, why mom? Why? I was belting my heart out because you wouldn't provide me with my much needed cookies and cream ice cream cone.
2. Sean Paul- Temperature
Well woman the way the time cold I wanna be keepin' you warm
I got the right temperature for shelter you from the storm
Oh lord, gal I got the right tactics to turn you on, and girl I...Wanna be the Papa...You can be the Mom....oh oh!
Okay, so clearly, Mr. Paul was saying that my dance moves were straight fire. Actually they still are. I used my killer moves to win the hearts of girls everywhere. That cold rain of tears that fell on their cute little cheeks would be wiped away in seconds when they saw me butt dance across the monkey bars (disclaimer don't dance on monkey bars. One time I fell down and almost broke my butt). This song was my anthem during dance offs.
3. Nickelback- PhotographLook at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?
Do I even need to explain how wonderful those lyrics are? They explain everything in life. What was happening? Why am I smiling like an idiot? Did mom really have to put an ice cream sandwich on my head? By the way my eyes were red because I WAS CRYING BECAUSE KELLY GAVE ME NO ICE CREAM, AND INSTEAD WASTED IT ON MY HEAD.
4. High School Musical- Breaking Free
We're breakin' free
There's not a star in heaven
That we can't reach
If we're trying
But we're breaking free
Oh, we're breakin' free
This movie changed my life. This song changed my life. High School Musical became my life. This song teaches kids across the world to reach for the stars. There isn’t anything that you can’t do. Achieve the unachievable. Do the impossible. Staple that jello to a tree. If you didn't like this movie, chances are you went crazy at some point in your life and hit rock bottom because you didn't know that there isn’t a star in heaven you can’t reach. If only you had just enjoyed the sweet soothing ballad of Troy and Gabriella winning the hearts of everyone. Also, how the heck is this movie 10 years old?
5. Akon feat. Eminem- Smack That
Smack that all on the floor
Smack that give me some more
Smack that 'till you get sore
Smack that oh-oooh!
This was the song I would sing as I was getting spanked for whatever reason. Honestly, I was a little brat. I would steal cookies out of the jar, Goldfish from the weird kid sitting next to me (sorry Greg, but you didn’t deserve to have Goldfish), and ice cream from the cafeteria. I would pretend to be hurt during these punishments because I knew if I kept a smile on my face or laughed I would get something much worse… I would get ~gRouNdEd~ The sheer terror of a grounding was enough to fake the pain and just sing this till my parents thought I had learned my lesson.
6. Rascal Flatts - Life is a Highway
Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I wanna drive it all night long
I know this is a cover of the original song but 8 year old me didn't care. Life was crazy back then. You had to just hit the road and enjoy life for all its crazy moments. Also this song reminded me of Cars, one of Disney Pixar’s greatest films. Every time I hear this song I think of forcing my dad to go see this movie for the fifth time while we were in Savannah, Georgia at a swim meet. And the highway that this song is talking about is actually a metaphor. Crazy right?
7. Fall Out Boy - Sugar We’re Goin Down
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
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Fall Out Boy was a musical genius. Who knew you could call a girl Sugar? I’ll tell you finding that out was the highlight of my year. Also, I always pretended to sing the last line of the chorus because I had no idea what they were saying, and to this day I still have no clue. Are you even saying anything or is it just obscure mumbles? Is it something important? I will never know. Honestly they could have sang the secret recipe for the Krabby Patty Formula, and no one would have noticed.
8. Jonas Brothers - Year 3000
I've been to the year 3000
Not much has changed, but they lived underwater
And your great-great-great-granddaughter
Is doing fine
This song does the impossible. This song tells the friggen' future. I mean holy crap; we are going to live underwater! I don’t know how that is even possible, but woo dog, am I ready to be living down in the ocean. Also since my great great great granddaughter is doing fine that means that I actually find someone to love me, so that's a relief.
9. Jibbs - Chain Hang Low
Do your chain hang low
Do it wobble to the flo'
Do it shine in the light
Is it platinum, Is it gold
Could you throw it over ya shoulda
If ya hot, it make ya cold
Do your chain hang low
This song was always a mystery to me. For some reason my mom wouldn't let me sing it around the house, so I had some clue that was a much darker meaning behind the otherwise perfect jam. I would gripe and moan saying "What the heck mom; why can't I sing about a Gangsta chain??" and then she would scream "KENNETH ANDREW KEMP DID YOU JUST SAY HECK???????" back at me. It was a vicious cycle, so this song brings back dark times of an innocent understanding from a boy who needed to know everything.
10. Black Eyed Peas- My Humps
Whatcha gonna do with all that junk
All that junk inside that trunk
I'm a get get get get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
The question of the century. What are YOU going to do with all that junk? Assuming that the junk is money (which if it isn't you should do nothing with the junk) you could buy soooo many things like Blue Bell ice cream, McNuggets, pay for my college loans; the list can go on and on. However, when you're in third grade, the only thing you're going to do with junk in your trunk is go around making obscene and somewhat vulgar third grade jokes. Honestly, my talents were wasted in third grade because I used my junk to make fake fart noises.
11. Justin Timberlake- Sexy Back
I’m bringing sexy back
Them other boys don’t know how to act
I think you're special, what's behind your back?
So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.
This song opened a world of questions for me. Where did sexy go? Who took sexy away? How long was the world sexyless? Why didn't Justin bring it back sooner? Am I just another boy who doesn't know how to act? Also what his behind her back? I bet she is holding a knife because she doesn't want sexy stolen again. A world without sexy is a world stuck listening to horrible songs like Stars are Blind from Paris Hilton's failed music career.