I have had a lot of different emotions surrounding my graduation – most of them have been sort of sad. It’s hard to imagine a bright future when you don’t have a plan to get there. The sadness has evoked feelings of resentment too. What was I even doing here for four years? Getting an education, obviously, and preparing for my future. I still don’t know what my future is though so it was easy for me to feel like this was an expensive waste of time.
Then things drew nearer. Campus held a new meaning as buildings I passed every day became special places that held some of my dearest memories. I sat at my commencement and heard our (awesome) president’s speech and really let it sink in, how incredibly lucky I am to be graduating. I know this should be the first thought on my mind, but if I’m being honest, it definitely wasn’t. My negative emotions overtook the positive ones and I wasn’t able to fully embrace the moment until it came.
I sat there and looked around at so many unfamiliar faces and few familiar faces. I saw people I hadn’t seen since freshman year which made me feel both nostalgic and proud that they made it too. I heard families and friends cheering us on as well as the fellow graduates. I thought about how many people would love to be where we are now and my sadness subsided. I thought about how many people contributed to me being there in that moment, and my resentment disappeared. I walked the stage with friends that I would not have had without these experiences. I exited the building to my supportive family.
I thought about all of the days when I really was tempted to throw in the towel. I thought about how nervous I was upon arriving at college four years ago and how badly I wish I could tell myself that it would be okay. It was going to be hard, yes. It was going to test me in ways that I didn’t feel I was ready to be tested. I thought about how I feel that way now and I’m sure there’s a 30 something version of myself wishing I knew now that things are going to be okay. For just a moment, I felt the weight of the world get just a little bit lighter. I turned a new leaf as I turned my tassel and felt just a little bit ready for the unknown. I thought of all the pain, stress, broken hearts, tainted memories, and more importantly, all the laughter, the joy, the unexpected moments, and the deep connections. Everything felt worth it in this one moment.
If you have not yet graduated, I promise you this, everything you are experiencing now will be worth it when you finally get that degree. When you feel that you have truly made it, if only this far (which is very far), all of the moments will have been worth it. There’s a reason for the season, and that’s what college is; a season. Embrace it and know how lucky you are. Know that it’s all worth it.
