It’s the 21st century and big things are happening all over the world. Barack Obama is advocating more gender equality rights, the feminist movement is being seen AND heard, and Ellen Degeneres slammed Bic for creating a pen “just for women”.
But, with all this progress being made in the media, boys of our generation still aren’t getting any closer to figuring us out. I mean, it's not rocket science … just basic social clues. So guys, I decided it was time to give you a fighting chance with this one. We know you can’t read our minds, and we sure don’t want you to either, however a lot of the things we want to say are hard to put into words. And, if we did voice what we were feeling, who is to say you won’t misread us and go off on a tangent to your friends with the ever so dreaded “My girlfriend is crazy!” rant.
So, to avoid dire situations and both parties head’s exploding, I've created a list of common phrases decoded for the male population of our generation.
1. “I’m fine”: Of course I’m not fine you’re doing an awful job of apologizing, so you better come up with something better to “wow” me.
2. “Nothing”: I’m so mad right now it’s not even funny and you better not say “ok” because that will just piss me off even more.
3. “No, it’s okay”: It’s really not okay at all … so fix it.
4. “I’m not mad”: You need to bring me flowers and then I’ll forgive you.
5. “I don’t care”: I really do care so you probably shouldn’t do whatever you’re asking.
6. “Whatever”: You’re in so much trouble right now I can’t even deal with it.
7. “You pick the restaurant”: Pick one of my favorites or I don’t want to go.
8. “What do you want to do today?”: You better be taking me to do something fun and have it planned already.
9. "I don’t want to talk about it”: I kind of want to talk about it, but just give me a hug and make me feel better, please.
10. “I hate her”: Agree with me and don’t ask why.
11. “I feel fat”: Tell me I’m skinny.
12. “I don’t feel pretty”: Tell me I’m beautiful.
13. “She’s really pretty”: Tell me I’m prettier.
14. “Do you want to get something to eat?”: I’m starving so please take me to eat.
15. “I feel like staying in tonight”: I really just want your undivided attention for tonight.
So boys, go forth with this new knowledge and do good. It’s for your benefit, after all … may the odds be ever in your favor.
