When you’re young and innocent, you are constantly looking up to those older than you, contemplating the type of person that you want to be when you’re that old. Some think they want to be an astronaut, a ballerina, or maybe even a firefighter. Though those are wonderful goals, others simply want to grow up to be beautiful, happy, or successful.
When I have graduated from college, I know that I’m going to look back at 18-year-old me, and wish I had already known things that I will know then. Looking back on the past 13 years (my public school career), there are definitely things that I wish I had known prior to walking onto the big, yellow hunk of metal on wheels that was going to take me to the building full of little kids, big kids, chalk, bagged lunches and adults surrounding me that simply wanted to see me succeed.
When looking back at photos of myself when I was between the ages of 2 and 5, as opposed to contemplating the things that I did know then, I feel compelled to consider the things that I did not quite know yet. Three things stuck out to me when considering this:
1. I did not know what heartbreak felt like.
2. I did not know what it felt like to detrimentally fail at something I had worked so hard at.
3. I did know what it felt like to experience recovery from hurt.
If I had known back then that these things were all inevitable in my life, I would not have been as carefree at 5 years old. However, it is during these times of confusion, pain, and weakness that growth can occur. I did in fact grow from these things.
1. Heartbreak is somewhat inevitable, simply due to the constant availability of it. Knowing that words alone have the power to completely change someone’s life is a power that man cannot begin to understand. Heartbreak is not just a feeling that emerges from broken relationships. Heartbreak can emerge from death, unhappiness, loss of a friendship or a break-up. Looking back on my life, I would tell 5-year-old me that even though it is going to be a pain that feels never-ending, and as deep of a wound that it could be, it does not stop there. The light at the end of the tunnel is always bright and shining, even though it’s difficult to find sometimes.
2. Failure is natural. It is easy to fail. It is easy to feel as if failure is the only result of hard work when that’s the only outcome that’s received. However, it’s essential to remember that though failure is going to happen, the reason that it happens is so that great success can follow. I would tell my 5-year-old self how Walt Disney was fired from his first job due to “lack of imagination”, but he imagined and built up the most magical place in the world. I would tell my 5-year-old self about Michael Jordan not making the cut on his high school basketball team, but being selected as first draft pick for the Chicago Bulls, and being inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 2009. At the time, this might mean nothing to 5-year-old me, but in time, these glimpses of hope would prove to mean the world to me. No matter how hard I will work at something, failure is a very real outcome, but how I will react in these times is what will make all the difference.
3. Hurting hurts. Falling off of a bike hurts. Seeing a big, fat “F” on the top of a piece of paper with the word “Test” accompanying it hurts. Seeing a loved one in pain hurts. Knowing that hurting is inescapable and imminent is also painful. However, knowing how to tackle this pain is how my 5-year-old self would learn to push forward. I would tell her that bad times make the good times better. I would tell her that everything happens for a reason. I would tell her that no matter what is hurting, pain is temporary, but joy can be forever. Recovery is subsequently impending. When I grasp this, the hurting will be a bit less unpleasant.
My 5-year-old self is innocent, unaware and blameless. Having knowledge of what’s to come would not harm her, but it would equip her with the precautionary preparations that are necessary to grow through the many trials and tribulations that are foreseen and expectant in the crazy life she has to come.
