Before graduating high school, your teachers have you convinced that your college professors are practically inhuman with no sense of humor. It doesn't take you long to figure out that they are dead wrong -- these professors are humans who live to make your life harder than it needs to be.
Sometimes, you can't help but wonder if your professor is the literal incarnation of Satan, but to be honest, they're just people who see and experience the same things every semester.
They have high standards with low expectations.
They crack jokes and probably question their life decisions every time a student asks a question they just answered in the powerpoint five minutes ago, but at the end of the day, they're human too.
1. It's in the syllabus."
What they mean: Even though it would take me less time to give you an answer than it would for you to dig through and find the syllabus, I did not write those five pages for nothing.
2. "I don't post grades on Blackboard."
What they mean: Don't you know it's your responsibility to keep track of how you're doing without keeping track of how you're doing?
3. "If you study, you'll do well."
What they mean: Seriously, if you study, you'll do well.
4. "I don't take attendance."
What they mean: I know more than half of you will stop showing up at some point, so I'll probably be including a curve-ball question from a joke I make in class that has nothing to do with the material just to spite you.
5. "The final is not cumulative."
What they mean: I am not Satan.
6. "There will not be a final."
What they mean: I am God.
7. "My other class got that one right."
What they mean: They were just as confused as you except for the eager beaver that sits up front and always raises his hand.
8. "The best way to reach me is to send an email."
What they mean: Please don't call me, I'm never in my office.
9. "I will put the first readings on Blackboard in case some of you don't have your book yet."
What they mean: I'm doing this to encourage you to stop procrastinating and get the book (but we will probably use it one more time this entire semester).
10. "I don't believe in extra credit."
What they mean: I don't even want to grade the assignments you already have, let alone extra ones. Just do the ones I give you. It will be easier for everyone.
11. "No phones in my class."
What they mean: You're paying (well, more likely your parents are paying) for you to be here. Sarah doesn't need the update that you're starving and ready for a nap. You can survive one hour without it.
12. "I'm going to assign groups for the rest of the semester."
What they mean: Just kidding, I'm Satan.
