When I look around the room in many of my classes, I often times feel as if I know the identity of many of my peers. No, I do not know most of my fellow classmates personally; rather, I am able to make speculations about what each student's personality is like based on what they are wearing. Here, below, is what a person's outfit to class means:

A Beanie

Dude… where’d you park your longboard, bro?

Athletic Wear

This attire is for the people who might work out, but probably won’t, but wear all Lululemon just in case they decide to hit the gym between classes (they won’t).

Jeans

I respect guys that wear jeans to class because it looks a lot nicer than sweatpants. I, strangely, don’t trust girls that wear jeans to class. Maybe that is because I am a firm believer that leggings can and do serve as a presentable form of pants.

A Dress

I can’t tell whom I judge more: girls who didn’t have time to change out of the dress the morning after or girls who purposefully put the dress on in the first place.

Both look entirely stupid.

A Sweater Vest

“I’m going to sit in the front and kiss the professor’s ass today.”

An Article of Clothing With Another College’s Logo

I’m sorry, are you lost? You must be because your sweatshirt is dumb, tacky, and you're stupid.

Flip-Flops

The sound of you approaching creeps up on me like the attack song from Jaws. Do yourself a favor and invest in a practical form of footwear.

A Crop Top

If you got it, flaunt it. Except don’t. Please. Ever.

A Frat Shirt And Basketball Shorts

This look screams — I am a frat guy.

This also screams — I got laid by a frat guy last night and am now wearing his clothes.

A Purse As A Form Of Backpack

These girls have all their sh*t together.

I am not one of these girls.