As a young woman, I can honestly say that I have never felt particularly unsafe while walking through New York City. However, there is definitely a factor that blurs that line sometimes. Catcalling can raise your blood pressure a bit, annoy you and sometimes even take you out of your comfort zone.
Since catcalling plagues the streets of New York, I find myself blocking it out for a few reasons. Being late for work, giving my energy to someone who just wants to get a rise out of me and the chance of backtalk or grabbing never seemed to be worth stopping my walk to say something about it.
And while it's typically pretty safe to assume that you won't get catcalled when you're walking with a guy, male presence still somehow occasionally fails. This Friday night, I was walking through the East Village with my friend and her boyfriend. She was walking right in front of us, and his arm was around my shoulder. We crossed the street and onto the sidewalk in front of a restaurant where a man was standing with a bunch of his friends. As we walked by, one of the men spoke up and said "Hey there, how you doin'?" to my friend. She turned around and said, "Great! How about you ask my boyfriend?" her arm extending to display that we were all together.
The man proceeded to question us about who her boyfriend was, saying that he thought the guy was with me, since his arm was around me. Fair assumption, but my friend just expressed her disinterest, insinuating that she was already taken. So why are you continuing to harass?
He said, "What did you say?" So I turned around (which I never do — see my aforementioned explanation) and said, "You heard her!" Now her boyfriend, being the gentleman he is, said, "Just back off, please." The man continued to carry on, and we continued to walk through a surge of people. It was a really populated area on a Friday night, and people watched as we worked our way away from the guy who just wouldn't get the point. It took all of me not to turn around to see if he was following us because I didn't trust that he wouldn't follow us and continue harassing us.
Oh, and whether that man was drunk or not should not prescribe whether or not his actions are condonable. When she denies you, expresses disinterest, ignores you and walks away, or however you'd like to classify the rejection of your street harassment, that's it. That's your plain and simple answer. Only "yes" means "yes." The only thing you should assume otherwise is that she is not interested.
While I don't believe that catcallers are worthy of my energy on a day to day basis, it still needs to be acknowledged in a way that establishes my disapproval of it.
Men, if you're genuinely trying to pick up a girl on the street by sitting on the same corner everyday saying, "Hey pretty mama, how you doin'?" then you should consider rethinking your strategy. No woman finds it flattering to be whistled at, clicked at or given the once over like something you get to decide is yours.
The sense of entitlement that men feel to speak their minds and harass a woman when she walks by them on the street is degrading. For a man to assume that he has the right to make a perfect stranger turn around and give him attention lets me know that he has claimed power in the situation that is not rightfully his.
Sadly, ignoring catcalling and then double checking to make sure no one is following is part of my daily routine. Sometimes I wonder if I should turn around and say something, but another sad truth is that speaking up still doesn't always communicate the fact that you're not interested.
Even more, you hear of women getting the additional follow up comment of, "Oh, too good for me, huh?" or, "OK, (insert explicit, derogatory word typically used to describe female dogs)." No, I ignore your lustful calls because I have places to be, respect for myself and a deep seeded hope that if I ignore you, your persistence will die out.
We all know what catcalling is. But what you need to know about catcalling is that it has become so typical and almost expected that women brace themselves when walking by a group of men or even by one individual man who is licking his lips and hungrily eyeing you up and down regardless of what you're wearing.
You need to know that it does not matter what you are wearing. Catcalling happens on the way to the club on Friday and to church on Sunday morning. It happens early in the morning, on lunch break and at night.
The woman you're catcalling is someone's daughter, mother, sister, wife, girlfriend. Imagine someone you love is getting catcalled. Does this put things into perspective?
You need to know that women feel threatened and unsafe when catcallers don't take no for an answer. Our hearts pound a little more when you're still talking and we're still walking away.
You need to know that we have better things to do than fight you off. I'm not about to be late, so I can correct your behavior. You're a grown man. Act your age, not your shoe size.
You need to know that we will tell you to back off, even though we shouldn't have to. What we won't do is always say it so nicely.
You need to know that catcalling is degrading. It is not a compliment to be taunted by lustful men with nothing better to do.
You need to know that you owe other human beings respect. We all owe each other that much. As with many things in this world, the bottom line is respect. If you respect a woman, then you will not do anything to objectify her, make her feel unsafe or impose upon her right to decide whether or not she's interested in you.
Men, be respectful. Women, know that you deserve respect.
