Days past 18, and I was more than ready to start college. I was doing it all. Rushing a sorority, moving to the dorms, and starting a whole new life. A week passed and I had conquered sorority recruitment. A long, enduring, rewarding, and even slightly aggravating week.

Bid day rolled around, and I was presented with a bid from the sorority I wanted all along. But that first day showed me what the next four years were going to hold, And "that" was not what I had hoped for. People already had friends that first day. I knew three people. Three. And how many of them talked to me? One. Yes, that's right, ONE. On your first day, you're given a "mentor" so to say. She is supposed to help you out during your pledge period, before you get your big. Mine, ignored me. Entirely. We spoke twice during my whole 4 years of being a member. Big Little week came along and the same thing happened there too. It was so disheartening. I continuously tried to make friends with her, but it felt like it would never work, so I quit.

I didn't get that awesome Big Little relationship I had hoped for. Instead, I got a big who was aggravated she got me as her little. I didn't talk to people I didn't know a lot, mainly because I knew they wouldn't speak back. And if they did, it would be short, and no real relationship would ever be built.

I tried my best to stick it out. I constantly felt pushed out, not accepted and even when I would participate in events, or do my best to help someone out, it felt like it went completely unnoticed. I kept being told, you get what you give. I had been working two jobs, going to school and trying to fit into a sorority so I quit my job, started participating in more events, and to my demise...nothing changed.

Though my experience in my sorority, it was absolutely terrible. I despised the "sisterhood" that we were supposed to share. It wasn't the events, mandatory meetings or dues that made me dislike it, rather the lack of giving a sh*t from everyone in it. Though I never knew what made me so singled out, I also never figured out what it required to be "accepted".

Most people get more than they ever expected from their sorority experience. Unfortunately that was not what I got. My sorority did not give me my bridesmaids. My sorority did not give me life long friends. My sorority did not give me the leadership skills I hoped for. My sorority did not give me the best four years I could have ever dreamed. Instead, it gave me awkward meetings, one true friend, punishment for working more than I should have, and being unable to attend everything, and the most stressful, annoying four years of my life.

Last week, I became an alumni of my sorority. I'm thankful for the resume booster, but not for the experience. I'm thankful for my courage to have stuck it out for four whole years, but not my lack of courage to make a difference in how people were treated. I'm thankful for my Little, but not for the crap I put up with to be able to meet her. I’m thankful for the opportunity to volunteer often, but not the fines if you had to work, which resulted in needing to work more to pay those fines.

Despite the times I had in my sorority, I highly recommend it to any and everyone who's ever thought about joining. You gain networking connections, confidence and a lot of community service hours. You find a passion for your philanthropy and it will always hit you in the heart when you see a poster or hear someone talking about it. Everyone’s experience is different, and I’m sure mine could have been too. But I guess I’ll take what I can get, it’s over now.

So to my sorority, thank you for nothing.