I have never been considered what some might call "book smart."
School does not come easy to me, and it never has and it probably never will. I can't focus for more than five minutes even if my life depended on it. I am a horrible procrastinator, and many things that are easy for most people to understand are not for me; I make everything too complicated in my head and it becomes harder than it should. It's an achievement alone that I have made it through almost three years of college, because if you would have asked me three years ago what my plans were after high school, I would've told you I plan to go to beauty school to become a cosmetologist. There is nothing wrong with that career path, I admire it actually, but i wanted something more for myself. My heart wasn't in it. I had always admired the "college life." The campus, living in a dorm, being best friends with my roommates and making lots of new friends, joining clubs, and showing off my school pride at sporting events. I wanted it all. So, thats what I did. But nobody told me what college was really like.
Late nights, early mornings.
Mental breakdowns become a normal routine.
Always having homework, even when you don't.
Studying until 3 am and still failing an exam.
This barely scratches the surface of what college is REALLY like. Because I floated my way through high school, college was even harder for me because I hadn't built up efficient study habits. My very first semester was a rude awakening. But to my surprise, I actually did extremely well my first semester. I managed to end with a GPA of 3.5 which was phenomenal for me. The main reason I was able to achieve this is ultimately because college scared me. I was constantly studying and doing homework and when I wasn't, I felt extremely guilty. I never let myself have a break, so when I accidentally forgot about a little 10 point assignment or I felt like I hadn't prepared enough for an exam, my anxiety would go through the roof. But through all the blood, sweat, and tears, I came out the other side and I could not have been more proud of myself that semester.
Back then, I was in a very competitive major that only allowed a maximum of two C's to be considered for my program, which is why I was so intimidated. Now, fast forward two years. I have changed my major to something significantly less competitive, so unfortunately C's are a common occurrence for me because I don't try as hard. Don't get me wrong, I still try hard! But during my first semester, I knew what I was doing to myself wasn't healthy. So I made myself cut back just a little bit, and with my major not being as competitive, I have lost some of the motivation I had before to do well.
My GPA is something I have always been embarrassed of because it's not as high as my friends, and I am always striving for achievement and success, so I often times feel like a failure because of a simple set of numbers.
These numbers do not define me.
They do not define who I am as a person. I know who I am and what I am capable of. Maybe I'm capable of a higher GPA, but my mental health comes before that. I will not let college destroy the image I have of myself in my head and who I want to become.
My GPA isn't a representation of me as a person.
My GPA does not measure my intelligence.
My GPA does not reflect my creativeness.
My GPA does not show my loving and caring nature.
My GPA does not determine my future.
What my GPA is though, is just a set of numbers.
I will not let a set of numbers define who I am, because I am more than a few digits.
