I've always considered myself a "social butterfly." When it came to making friends, I used to never have a problem. I could talk to anyone about anything.
More recently, I've noticed that I don't always want to engage in social interactions. While everyone's out making dozens of friends, I sit comfortably in my dorm with my roommate. "Is there something wrong with me?" I used to ask myself.
No, there isn't.
This is the way I was raised. In middle school, I was never a part of the popular crowd, and only had a few close friends. I would go home and cry to my mom because I didn't fit in. She would comfort me by saying "My mom used to say that when it comes down to it, you can count the amount of close friends you have on one hand."
That's not a lot of friends, but in all honestly, it's all I need. I would rather have a bunch of acquaintances and a few close friends than have fifty friends that I don't know all too well. That being said, I'm not the best at making solid friends.
When it comes to meeting new people at college, everyone finds comfort in, what I call, the first four:
1. What's your name?
2. Where are you from?
3. What's your major?
4. Where are you living?
If this social interaction goes satisfactory to both parties, the conversation topics will most likely redirect from the topic of college and to other, more personal subjects. Most people aren't concerned about this process when they're talking with others, but for me, this is something I think about almost constantly.
"Do they seem like they're interested in this conversation?" "Should I ask about their classes?" "Am I being awkward?" "Am I making enough eye contact?" "Is now the time to end the conversation and leave?
This is the socially awkward side of me. If I'm worried about being rejected, or not being able to make conversation, I'll most likely avoid the interaction. I'd rather have the individual not know who I am than to consider me an awkward person.
I also love my alone time. I'm the type of person who needs to relax and be alone with her thoughts occasionally. For me, that means sometimes walking alone to class or just sitting in a quiet room.
On the other hand, I'm the kind of person who wants to make friends with everyone. I'll try to start the conversation, interact with those who seem shy, and ask questions that would spark a deeper conversation. In a large group, I'm extremely social and don't hold anything back.
This is the social side of me. I'm not afraid to be myself around people, and I'll laugh at almost anything. My open personality makes it seem like I don't struggle with socialization, but I do.
All of this being said, I wouldn't change who I am. I love the best friends that I have. They understand both sides of me and respect them equally. As for making new friends, I firmly believe that there's a reason as to why I don't always socialize or that potential friendships don't work out.
And it's ok.
