When I was young, I had always shown interest in computers and technology. I remember my brother’s old Compaq monitor and desktop computer in his room. I would rush to it every day after school and just explore the internet, whether it was for games, video game forums, photography websites, DeviantArt or even Club Penguin. Eventually, I found something I completely fell in love with: graphic design.

By fifth grade, I knew I wanted to become a graphic designer.

By 12^th grade, I pressed the drop-down button on my online CSU Application form and selected “BA: Design Studies, Graphic Design.” It was official; Graphic Design was my new major.

My first semester of college, I took two graphic design classes along with a couple other prerequisites for my major. I liked graphic design but I discovered something that I had refused to believe up until that point: I genuinely perform by best work when I am under pressure, aka I’ve procrastinated to the literal last hour before an assignment is due.

As an avid writer, this usually works out perfectly for me. I’ve known this about myself for many years but I always thought it was bad.

Coming into college, I realized that this is just a simple fact about my productivity and my method of working. Although I could change it if I wanted to, there’s nothing inherently bad about it. I do good work when I am faced with good stress. I always felt guilty because teachers used to tell the class not to wait till the last minute. But the thing is, I would always turn my work in last minute and teachers would praise me.

In my second semester of college, for one of my classes, I did every single writing assignment last minute except for one. I only did one assignment about two weeks in advance and I lacked complete drive and creativity when it came to writing the assignment. As a result, I got the lowest grade out of all the papers I wrote and I was personally dissatisfied with what I wrote too.

But most importantly, I came to terms with something I had always shamed myself for: I do my best work under pressure. The pressure is what gets me going, what makes things click in my head, what gives me a sense of purpose and a boost of creativity. By embracing this strategy, I no longer feel guilty while I am doing work and I am also much more confident in my ability to complete the work on time, regardless of how late I start it.

The only problem: graphic design isn’t the same thing as writing. Writing assignments in high school and in college usually have some basis in information and in structure and therefore I know when I am finished with a piece. I can’t say the same for art. I can’t complete open-ended assignments last minute because there is no beginning and end when it comes to art. I was the one that decided when I a graphic design assignment was finished yet my teacher was the one that graded it.

To put it simply, I couldn’t narrow down all my energy into the final hours of the deadline for graphic design because the process of design is much broader than that. Thus, I came to an even more crucial epiphany: Graphic design is something for me, not for others to give me a grade on. Art is many things to me, but it is not a grade. And therefore, it never stood a chance as my major.