It has been six months since my father passed away. His death has been hard on me given that I was in the States when he died. I am still not comfortable to talk about his death or even think about it. Loss of a parent is like a void that will never be filled. Ever. Now that I look back at what has happened and how it has molded me I have seen some major changes in myself. I have learnt a lot from it
Here is what I learnt from this:
1. Be prepared for any kind of loss
I have always lived in this bubble where I thought that I won't be losing anyone or death won't take my loved ones from me. I have always been good at living in denial. When I got to know about my dad's death I sat on my bed for the entire night refusing to think about what has just happened. I suffered from weight loss and depression from his death. It was because I refused to seek help or talk about it at all.
2. Love your parents
My love for my parents increased after my dad died. I have always been the least emotional one in the family. I would rarely tell my mom or dad how much I loved them. After his death I realized how important it is to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you.
3. Learn to grieve
'Its okay to cry' This is the biggest life lesson I have learnt. I thought that crying made you weaker and emotionally vulnerable. I suppressed my feelings to an extend where I started having health issues such as weight loss. Now that I have given myself time to grieve properly I have came to a conclusion that crying makes you emotionally stronger.
4. Strong goals:
I have been very goal driven and very motivated ever since my dad's death. I have been trying to do all those things that would have made my dad proud. My wish to make him proud will never die.
5. Importance of friends:
When all of this was happening I was surrounded by my friends. I learnt about what having real friends means. They were there with me in my hardest time. They accompanied me in my sorrow.They were there to support me. I realized that it is of immense importance to have a strong support system.
6. Independence:
I was financially dependent on my dad before he passed away. He was paying for my school and most of my utilities. I consulted him while taking all my decisions. Now I am on my own. I have learnt to survive alone and take my own decisions and face the consequences myself.
When I think about his death it seems like a nightmare that I will wake up from. My body goes numb when I think that I will never have a father again. But his death has molded me into a headstrong, goal-orientated, strong woman. I will never completely get over my loss but I can thrive on it by making my dad proud.
