Losing someone is never easy. There aren't really words for the emptiness that comes along with the loss of a loved one— I'm sure anybody who has ever been through it can attest to that. Learning to cope with these things are a part of life, but that doesn't make it any easier.
This past week, the five year anniversary of my grandfather's passing creeped up on us. It seems like no time has passed since I got a card with a heartfelt message in it from him, or a phone call from Florida on my birthday– he was always one of the first ones to wish me a special birthday. We have learned to move on and smile at the memories, but occasionally, I still feel the emptiness in my heart just like I did on the day he passed away.
A few years before losing my Grandfather, I lost my Grandmother. The weeks leading up to and following her death were a few of the hardest weeks of my life. I struggled to understand why I had to have one of the most important people in my life taken away from me. She was 57 years young, and I couldn't wrap my mind around why she was robbed of the rest of her life. It broke my heart to watch her suffer, to see her in the hospital looking fragile and weak; but it made me happy to see how strong she remained, and to always see a smile on her face even in the toughest of days. After losing her, I did my best to do the same in her honor— keep a smile on my face and stay strong, even when it seemed impossible.
It was difficult to accept that I would never play Trouble! with her again, I could never spend Thanksgiving at her dinner table watching her prepare in the kitchen, I would never spend my Christmas Eve opening stacks of presents from her and my Grandpa in their living room. Never again would I dance around her living room with her while listening to the Mamma Mia soundtrack or play with the Simon toy at her house. I longed for the woman who taught me how to do Sudoku puzzles, who would treat me to a piece of Trident bubble gum from her special kitchen drawer when I was good, and who always had Dove chocolate ice cream bars in her downstairs freezer. I wanted just one more hug, just one more laugh, just one more "I love you." But it could never be enough.
In the same way that I would have to learn to cope with the loss of my Grandfather just a few years later, I had to learn to move on from this loss. I had an amazing support system all around me to help me grieve, which made the whole process a little easier. I focused on all of the good times I spent with my Grandma, and I kept reminding myself that she would want me to be strong like she was, and that she was watching over me from a better place.
Even though I wish with all of my heart that I never had to go through these two experiences, I realize now that losing my grandparents has made me into a stronger person. I learned from a very young age that I need to cherish those around me because they won't be around forever. I learned to appreciate all of the people who supported me and helped me through the hardest times of my life. I learned to never take a single moment, or a person, for granted.
And from watching these two very special people live, I learned just as much. I learned from my Grandfather to be who you are and that any personal struggle can be conquered. I learned from my Grandmother that in the toughest of times, you can still push forward. I learned from both of them how to love, and I learned that family is the most important part of your life.
I am who I am today because of my Grandparents, and I will live every day in their honor because of that.
