I remember sitting on the couch next to my mother as she was trying to find the words to tell me that my father had just been told that he had three months to live. I remember the feeling of helplessness as I was sobbing in her arms. Being so young and at your father’s funeral is something you should never wish for. I remember walking through the funeral hall, with my sisters and mother behind my fathers casket. I remember never being the same.

You see, five months ago Mr. Bradley Owen Hakes was diagnosed in-stage liver and kidney failure and colorectal cancer. He had a wife, two daughters and a son (yours truly), and three months to live. Doctors told him that if they were to operate on him, his time with us would be shorter. He had celebrated his last birthday, he had wished his daughter a last happy birthday and he had one last amazing father’s day

I’m sorry to say it but my father’s death has taught me so many things.

• A Lasting impact can only come through getting real about compassion and love. Not just posturing about it, or talking about it.

Many people in my generation sit on computers all day and tweet or write about compassion, love, and mercy, but don’t go anywhere near human suffering, which is the only place it actually matters. I have to change this in my life or I’m going to die with a deep and painful regret. It would be an unspeakable loss to waste my moments on shallow posturing.

Such an outpouring of sincere gratitude for how he chose to live his moments overwhelmed me. I was so sad he was gone, but also the proudest I’ve ever been of anyone.

• You have to live a life with great intention. Don’t waste moments. None of this mundane. It all matters.

You 100% will die, and in the scope of time, it’s coming really soon. It will be here for each of us. And it will be even more painful if you waste your life avoiding the moments.

Don’t work so hard to keep yourself distracted and occupied, avoiding the real stuff, you will absolutely regret it.

I had to ask myself some difficult questions throughout this experience.

• It’s okay if you’re not perfect. People immediately stop talking about your flaws when you die.

Do I care who I actually am in the world, or just how people perceive that I am?

You have to touch the souls of others to make any dent in this world.

My dad wasn’t perfect. He was a man with a very hard life and he carried some scars with him to the end. But all the little imperfections instantly ceased to matter the moment we realized we might lose him. It’s amazing how quickly the tenor can change from the negative to the positive when we think and talk about others.

I was hard on my dad. And as I watched him die all I could think was how I wished I’d focused more on all of his amazing qualities.

He had done so much goof in the world and that is the legacy he leaves.

So if you’re not perfect, try not to take it to0 personally. Give yourself a break and focus on the positive things you can do for others.

• Death is real.

My words to you about this are truly meaningless. Once it touches you closely then it this becomes an apparent reality.

Death brings the gift of urgency to all those who witness it. Reality becomes much clearer.

• 5.If you don’t have a strong community around you, it might almost be too much to bear.

Throughout this experience, my family has been surrounded by love and compassion from others.

I thought about the contrast to it as well. If we didn’t have these people visiting at the hospital, hugging us, telling us that they love us, bringing meals, running errands, how much harder would this experience have been?

A man who chooses to live like my father did leaves a lasting impact through all the people he influences, none more than his own family.

If he also gives his children wisdom, they won't break his chain of compassion and purpose in the world

And this is the true unspoken challenge for humanity. The world becomes what it becomes one generation at a time. Low Character, low intention, low compassion, and purpose, ripples down. But so does the inverse.

I have to live a life of purpose like my father did, or I betray my own lineage. There can be great honor in taking a self-less view of life.