Slow and Steady Friendships

As I’ve grown older, one thing I think about constantly is friendship and how the meaning of it and the manners in which it comes about have morphed over time. Elementary school, for example, were the days when friendship could be decided upon as easily as declaring, “You’re my best friend!” That was it. Boom, done. Let the sleepovers commence immediately (are kids even still allowed to do that?)

Middle school was different, too. These were the years when looking “cool” were paramount to a successful life. This was probably my favorite stage because becoming friends in middle school was so exciting. There would be that initial spark, the catalyst, the thing that got you interested in another person, then a phone call, followed by what can only be described as fireworks: dazzling, mind-blowing, loud, and all consuming.

This is the kind of friendship that you pray will turn into years of amazingness, years of that being “your person,” someone who’ll be there forever and through everything, even if you’re not always the smartest decision maker.

Unfortunately, I didn’t stay 13 forever and only one of those explosive friendships lasted for me. Don’t get me wrong, I count myself lucky – not everyone has a long term (15+ years) friend.

High school and adulthood is when I understood something my father used to say to me: “Celena, not everyone who smiles in your face is your friend.” That was it. He simply left it at that, knowing that life, as it is wont to do, would teach me better than he ever could. He simply planted that little seed and as each disappointment happened, I clutched that understanding closer and closer to my heart: friendship isn’t about fireworks and that “OMG, I love you so much, be my best friend!!” heart-eyes kind of moment. Those are great and if you’re over 25 and still have those, I’m jealous.

To me, friendship is slow and steady. We so often confuse “associates” with “friends.” Friends are won over time, having proven that they will stay during times of hardships and that a little spat won’t be the end.

I don’t understand how we can accept spats with our significant others but expect there not to be a few with friends. The willingness to work through them is how the friendships based solely on convenience and geography become something rooted in something more substantial.

That means when we graduate, we won’t fall out of touch. That means that if we end up with different significant others (God forbid), we won’t fall out of touch. That means that when parenthood strikes or re-strikes, we won’t fall out of touch.

Slow and steady won that race.