Growing up is hard for anyone, and being a part of two communities does not make it any easier. You would think that since there are two different sides to you, you would be able to explore both of them as much as possible in hope to find out who you are, but sometimes it can just make you feel like an outcast. The more the merrier isn't always merrier.

My mother and father have two completely different backgrounds, so I assumed that the two polar opposite backgrounds would make me special, but sadly, it didn't for the longest time. Having a Hispanic last name and ghost white complexion has had so many ups and downs. I always felt like I was letting people down when I first met them because I felt they were expecting someone completely different. Yes, my name is barely pronounceable to the majority of people I know, but that does not mean I too have problems pronouncing English.

Another thing that really affected me, especially during scholarship season, is that I felt bad for doing any type of scholarship based on my ethnicity. I was always afraid of being granted the scholarship because I felt like I was taking the scholarship away from "real" Hispanics. I was also afraid the organization was going to find out how white I look and take it away because the real Hispanics deserved it more just because they fit the part better.

Would I have felt better if I had a better stand in the Hispanic community? Possibly, but growing up I had the best of friends that were 100 percent Mexican, and they treated me no different than their own family. I think this is just an internal conflict that we have to overcome by ourselves, to stop thinking about what others think or assume about us. If they are meant to be in your life, your ethnicity should have nothing to do with it. Your ethnicity helps shape you, but it does not define you. We define ourselves with our actions.