When you lose someone, nothing seems to make sense. You didn't break a bone, yet something inside makes you feel like you're falling apart.
The phrase spoken by oh, so many, becomes very real in your world --
I don't know what I would do without you.
You have probably said this to a best friend, your parents, maybe even your pets.
Until you have actually lost someone, knowing how to live without them seems unfathomable. Then, it happens and you are forced to face your fears. Your whole world gets turned upside down.
You can no longer wake up, go about your normal routine and not feel something missing. People wonder, "What is it like to lose someone?"
The truth is, it hurts to lose someone, it hurts so bad that you can't breathe. Your emotions seem to leave you powerless and you feel like your heart might actually break apart.
This horrible feeling consumes your life. It's the first thing on your mind when you wake up. It’s on your mind when you go outside and breathe the fresh air, yet somehow it’s not so sweet- something’s missing. It's an omnipresent feeling of sadness, called grief.
At first, you wake up, but you don't actually open your eyes just yet, because maybe you can dream a little longer. You open your eyes and realize you have to deal with your pain. The person you lost cannot be there; they can no longer be the person you couldn't live without, because now, you must live without them.
Time goes on, you wake up, shower, watch television, see your friends, laugh, you pause --
you think of your loss.
Happiness can try to sneak its way into your life, and it might last for a few moments.
Time goes on, you dream, you go on adventures, you fall in love, you watch a butterfly, you pause --
you think of your loss.
But now it's different. Yes, you're still sad but there's some new feeling now. Something tells you they're here, something in your heart flutters as the butterfly's wings. That feeling is them -- it's their presence.
They'll always be there, they'll always be that piece of your heart that makes you complete, and they'll always be a part of you. That is what you do without someone -- you keep them in your heart.
The pain doesn't ever go away, but pieces of love, laughter and happiness can make you feel OK.
So what does it feel like to lose someone?
Well, it hurts a lot -- but you find ways to have them still in your life, so you never truly lose them.
For my sister, Vanessa
