An American is sexually assaulted every 107 seconds. Estimated, that’s about 230,000 victims a year. Every day we walk past people with their stories unknown to us. You’d never guess that the girl sitting on the subway in front of you is a sexual assault victim. Victims don’t wear the title on their sleeve, but they sure do wear their title in their heart.
The moment you become a victim is a turning point. From my own personal experience, the second I awoke to find out that I was being sexually assaulted, my mindset changed. My thoughts became a swirly blur and my vision froze. At that moment, it's impossible to take in everything. Everything becomes chaotic and silent. You remember the oddest elements of the moment. I still remember the smell of the room, the look on his face and the increasing temperature. My heart began to fling itself around inside my chest and after that, I don’t remember anything.
The moment you become a victim, you’re numb to everything around you. Some may cry, some may remain silent and some may sit there as if nothing had ever happened. I sat there in the police station, my best friend beside me, with the most casual facial expression in the world. I was calm, cool and collected. You would have never guessed that a half hour prior to that, I was screaming at the top of my lungs out of fear and disgust.
The moments following your newfound title as a victim are some of the worst moments I've ever experienced. I bet that many other victims could agree. Your world stops, and your mind beats you up.
There are days where you don’t want to get out of bed, and there are days where you force yourself out of bed so that you’re not rotting in your thoughts all day. There are times where it seems impossible to sleep without the lights on, but you really try to overcome it. Moments where you screaming and crying become a daily thing, and you sit and wonder if you’ll ever make it out of this nightmare.
We don’t really know what it's like until we become the victim ourselves. A week before I was sexually assaulted, I completed a course mandated by my school on rape and assault. I flew through it thinking that it was annoying and pointless. A week later, I understood the importance of the course.
Some victims are too scared to speak about their stories, and that’s OK. You don’t have to speak about it if you don’t want to, but personally, it has helped me with the recovery process. They may not want to speak about it because they think that to others, they may sound dramatic, annoying or crazy for letting something like assault effect them that much. Don’t feel ashamed to speak about your reality. You can help others who are struggling with the same thing. I promise it'll help you heal.
When I told my story, I cried so much that I couldn’t speak. However, the post-feeling was beautiful. I felt relieved, as if the world was lifted off my shoulders. Talking about your experience is a great thing to include in your recovery process.
Onlookers may think that victims prolong their recovery time, but the truth is that there's no set recovery time. There are people who are still overcoming their incident that may have happened over 20 years ago. It's different for everybody, and sometimes it takes a little bit longer for others. If someone in your life is a victim, support them with the best of your ability. They’re trying hard and definitely wish that this could vanish from their life.
However, these experiences make us the victims who we are today. We are a little bit stronger and definitely more aware of the world around us. This doesn’t define us, but it will be with us forever. If you’re a victim, you’re a survivor. And for that, you should be proud.
