I’ve never been the kind of girl who stays in a relationship. Not to say I haven’t wanted that, it’s just that nothing has seemed to work out for me. I tend to find a guy that I like, fall for him way too hard, and almost always hear the words, “I like you, but I’m just not in the place to be in a relationship right now.” It’s bullsh*t right? I guess sometimes guys really aren’t in a place get into a relationship, but every single guy that I fall for? Really?

Looking at the bright side though, the single life isn’t too bad, especially when you’re in college. I have so many friends who have to “answer to” their boyfriends or who’s boyfriends “won’t let them” do something. Are you kidding? Is he your third parent? I’m not going to be the girl that answers to my boyfriend. If it’s something I wouldn’t be okay with him doing, of course I’m not going to do it, but he sure isn’t going to tell me what I can and can’t do. It’s nice to be able to go out with my friends and not have to worry about checking in with my boyfriend. It’s nice not having to worry about what my boyfriend might be doing and where he is. It’s nice knowing if I feel like it, I can take home anyone in the bar.

But at the same time, it’s so much work being single. Having to get dressed super cute, making sure your hair and makeup look good all night, finding a suitable guy that doesn’t seem like too much of a weirdo, flirting and dancing with him until the bar closes, and then trying to subtly (or not so subtly depending on your drunk-ness) hint for him to come back to your place. It would be nice to know you have someone to cuddle with at the end of the night without all of that work.

I’ve been in so many “almost relationships” and it makes me feel like I’m the not dateable girl. I’ve been so close to being in a relationship with guys, but they always have a reason as to why we can’t date. I’ve probably heard it all. “I’m not in the place for a relationship”, “I have a lot going on right now, but this will work in time”, “Why does a title matter? I like you and only you”, "I'm just not over my ex yet". I've even heard, "Well I like you a lot, but the truth is I have a girlfriend." Really dude!? The list goes on and on. So what is it that makes every guy I have the slightest interest in say these things? Am I not pretty enough? Is my personality not enough? Do I not let my walls down soon enough? Do I let my walls down too soon? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked myself what is wrong with me. Why am I not the girl guys want to date?

I’ve asked my best friend these questions a million times too and every time I get the same answer. “Oh, it isn’t you! You just always pick the shittiest guys”, “Things happen in time, just wait it out, it’ll happen for you”. I’m finishing up my third semester in college and I have never had a real relationship. Being the girl who feels like she’s going to end up alone with a house full of cats sucks. I know things happen in time, but you just get to the point where it feels like it’s never going to happen for you. Everyone says to keep waiting, but waiting gets old.

Maybe girls like me seek comfort in the shitty guys we find at the bar or the ones that tell you they like you when they’re just trying to get in your pants because we accept the slightest bit of attention that's thrown our way. We make it easy for them to get us, it's almost as if they don't even have to try. After a while you just accept the shitty guys and you don’t try for more, because getting the shitty ones is what comes easy. We know in the back of our heads that it'll never turn into a relationship, but we keep that sense of false hope and pretend they're perfect anyways. We pretend to accept the things they tell us and we get so used to pretending to accept them that we actually start believing it ourselves. One day we’ll all wake up and realize how much more we deserve, and that they aren't worth the heart break, but until that day, you can find me in my bed with Netflix and the only two men I need, Ben & Jerry.