Imagine having cinder blocks attached to your legs and having to lug them around with you all day and every day; well that's what battling depression feels like. My whole life I have had depression. It started when I was very young and just continually got worse with every milestone I hit in my life. It started getting really bad in fifth grade when all of the bullying began... and trust me, those bullies only got worse as we got older.
Throughout middle school, I started to realize that I was acting and behaving differently. I was feeling abnormally sad almost every day. I went to therapy and got the news that I had chronic depression and anxiety. I was so confused and upset to find out I had these. I have heard horror stories about what happened to a person with depression and what they did to themselves. As years past, I sunk deeper and deeper into my depression and I started to do those terrible things that you hear about. Living every day thinking it would be better if you were dead, takes a toll on a person; especially a 15-year-old girl.
As high school came, life just plummeted. I was not doing good in my classes, my physical and mental health was deteriorating, and my family was being torn apart. I would always think to myself will this ever end and will I ever be happy again. Each day it was harder and harder to try to find a light at the end of the tunnel and to see that I was worthy of life. To top it all off just when you fell like it is gone and you no longer need therapy and you find your value in life... it comes right back. It feels like your body is trying to kill you from your head to your feet. When you finally feel happy and truly believe that things changed around for good this time, there it is creeping up on you. You want to run from it but you can't. You have to remember that feeling this way is not your fault and you have no control over it, you just have to learn to live with these periods of self-loathing and try your best to cope with it. It's hard; believe me I know that.
But, I am here today to tell you that with the right support system behind you and a team of therapists, even a small period of happiness is capable. Trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and some days it's hard to find, but if you focus on all the good things in life and the things/people that drive you: my mom, my sister, my best friends, my passions, and my dreams, that light is right in front of you. You just have to remember it's there when you start to feel it getting dark again. #StayStrong
