I never really knew what it meant to have a love/hate relationship with something until I discovered my undying love for all things horror: movies, books, video games, even anime and manga. I've been interested in urban legends and ghost stories since I knew how to read, and from my love of reading them online or in books grew my love of searching for it in everything I eventually came to enjoy. Now here's where my interest in all things supernatural becomes a problem: I always have trouble going to sleep or being alone during or after partaking in horror-related activities.
It's always been hard for me to go to bed alone at night. I always felt like there was "something else" in the room with me, so I always felt the need to have an eye cracked open at all times. I found that I was able to sleep at night (in the dark) if there was someone else in the room with me. If that wasn't an option, a light, the TV or an open door always ended up working. Because of this, I've gotten into the habit of saying that I'm afraid of the dark instead of having to explain my situation. I mean, it wouldn't be too far from the truth.
I remember when I used to watch horror movies or read horror manga during my abundant free periods in high school. I felt so much more comfortable indulging in my curiosity in a crowded, well-lit place than I did in the comfort of my own home (a rare thing indeed). Of course, it was still hard for me to go to sleep on those nights, but it was better than getting spooked right before I went to bed.
A few weeks ago, during a time when my horror manga reading habits were spiked, I asked a friend to stay the night with me on a weekend my roommate went home. We made a great deal of moving the couch from the living room into my side of the room, where we set up a den for her, which was when I thought: whose fault is it that I can't sleep at night because I made the active decision to read horror manga all day? And at this point you might be wondering: why do I still watch/read things that prevent me from sleeping like a regular human being if I know what it's going to do to me?
Simply put, it would be because I love it (I mean, I guess that's why they call it a love/hate relationship, right?). I love the different ways a story can capture your senses, and how different media does different things in leaving a lasting impression on you. I love how you can always spot what's going to happen next in horror movies, how you can sit in fear and simultaneously wonder how they managed to make something so seemingly impossible possible on the big screen. I love how vividly mere words in paragraphs paint pictures in your mind, leaving possibilities endless. I love how you alone decide what happens to your character when they find themselves being followed by a malicious presence or surrounded by zombies. I love how you always somehow find yourself scrolling further and further into a grotesquely-drawn horror manga and never even once think to stop. The thrill in finding out what happens next is one of the most addictive things you could possibly feel; and at least for me, it's the only genre I can never seem to put down, no matter how spooked I get.
