Living four states away from my mom completely, absolutely sucks.
After spending a very little amount of time with my mom visiting, and having to leave, sucks. Having to see her raise and be happy with another family, sucks.
When I see my friends and see how strong of relationships they have with their moms, I automatically get jealous.
I get mad that I don’t have that. That my mom doesn’t live near me--and that it’s her fault.
When I see my mom raise my little sister she had after my sisters and I began living with our dad, I get jealous.
Why couldn’t that be me?
Was I not as good as her?
What did I do wrong to her?
When I do get to see my mom, it's once a year. And, for a limited amount of time. We try to fit a year of a mother/daughter relationship in to two weeks.
For the longest time, I was mad. Mad at her, mad at my dad, mad at myself because we weren’t a normal family. I didn’t get to see her every day.
I was just mad.
But I finally realized that that doesn’t fix anything. My anger isn’t going to fix anything. James 1:20 says, “because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
This verse fixed my priorities. It made me think that I don’t need to spend my entire life angry at her and the choices she made that weren’t in my benefit.
I’m just okay with that.
Things happen for a reason. It took me almost 15 years to figure that out. I am thankful that I even have a relationship with her at all.
Sure, in the back of my mind my anger is there. (That is expected.) Just knowing that it isn’t in my control, but God’s, is enough.
She has become a huge rock and my best friend in my life. That’s how it’s meant to be.
I’m happy for our constant snapchats (yes, she is my number one best friend), our inside jokes, or just regular jokes, phone calls and amazing trips to see each other.
It’s all I have, and I cherish that.