I want to start this off by saying how sorry I am for the offense or hard feelings that this article may bring, because that is not at all my intentions.
My intentions are to let people, like me, know that they aren't alone in feeling the way that they do. In feeling relentlessly bound by rules and judged by people. In realizing that you know more people who resemble those condemnable Pharisees than people who resemble Christ – and not without inward conflict – coming to grips with the fact that that's not how it's supposed to be.
Coming to grips with the fact that a lot of your surroundings and what you've been told about each other. Or sin. Or Christ – is simply not true.
I was lucky enough to be raised in a household full of understanding and love. I saw Christ in my parents when it was very difficult for me to find it in anyone else. And for that, I am thankful.
But regardless of my household, my atmosphere and my surroundings expanded much broader than the walls of my home.
And that's where I saw moral law trump religious faith.
That's where I learned the harsh reality of many skewed ideas proclaiming to be the thoughts and intentions of God.
That's where I became hardened and bitter toward a man who preached only openness and love.
It wasn't that I didn't believe in God or in His Word or in His teachings, I just could never believe that the character of Jesus, who He really was, could ever come second to the law.
I didn't believe that life was only about following rules, but almost everywhere I looked, that's what I was told. And I began to question if I knew God at all.
I was told to place people in categories based off of their sin. And that some sins were worse than others. Unforgivable, even. I was told to tell people to fix themselves if they didn't live up to fabricated standards of perfection and righteousness.
I was preached to about the end of the world. Hellfire and brimstone. That I better get my act together and follow these rules or spend forever separated from someone who I thought I already knew.
Someone full of grace and compassion. Someone who loved the broken and the unholy – not just those who could fool the entirety of a congregation in one fell swoop.
Because I can tell you this: Rules lead to resentment. I saw people who went to church every Sunday, who tithed, who gave to the poor, who stayed married through their misery, who didn't drink at parties, who were kind – and who totally resented God because of it.
It was only after I left that I realized it's not about rules. You don't get marks on your record when you mess up. You don't get detention. You don't get an F because you failed to memorize all 15 verses of Nahum chapter one. You don't get scolded because your skirt is too short. You don't have tallies against you every time you don't go to church or sing during the worn-to-the-bone worship songs in Wednesday morning chapel.
It's not about rules. It's about personal faith. It's about knowing the character of Christ and trying your best to live that out. To love everyone.
So, if you grew up in that same atmosphere, I know it's hard to let go of resentment and bitterness
I still hold onto those things too.
But letting Jesus and His love overshadow the lies you've been told about vengeance or about rules and punishments and cruelty truly lifts a great burden off of your shoulders.
Stop following people and start following Christ and I promise things will become clearer to you.
