“Be a man.” “Don’t be such a pussy.” “That’s so freaking gay.” “Ah don’t be such fag, man.” At some point in our lives, many -- boys, especially -- have heard these phrases uttered by another individual, whether that be their father, brother, sister, their friends, or even a stranger. These phrases, regardless of the context in which they are said, present a clear insight into just what society deems as the definition of “a man.”
Almost all of us have an idea, or are somewhat familiar with the archetype of “the man.” He is a tough individual -- for some, rugged, for others, muscular. He does not express or reveal much emotion. He performs tasks with his hands, unafraid to “get dirty,” or fight at a moment’s notice. He is an individual who, depending on who you ask, is more than popular with women, and will most likely have a slew of sexual exploits to unveil. He is an individual who is highly successful in his career -- the “money is no object” cliché might come to mind.
We need only to look to the silver screen to find examples which fit this mold, or several aspects of this mold, almost exactly. Think Jordan Belfort from "Wolf of Wall Street," Sylvester Stallone in "Rambo" and "Rocky" (really any movie he is in), or even Chris Hemsworth, Robert Downey Jr., or Chris Evans in any of their recent Marvel ventures.
Motion pictures are just a small example. If we really start to examine the rest of popular culture, it becomes apparent the extent that this concept has crept into, and now is a mainstay in our culture.
However, that is not what this essay is really about.
This essay is not entirely meant to complain about a phenomenon that affects about half the population, whether they realize it or not -- there are about 75,263 of those in circulation at the moment.
Rather, the aim of this is, really, to share what, to me, really makes a man. That definition, I cannot fully take credit for, however. The majority of that credit must go to my father.
To say that Jon Connelly fits into the norm of what makes a man would be relatively laughable for those who really know him. Yes, he loved, and still loves to exercise -- whether that be in the form of basketball or a lift at the gym. Yes, he has had a successful career as a CPA and eventually as the CFO of a printing company. Yes, he -- at least as far as his stories from high school and college have led my siblings and me to believe -- was a regular with women (guess he did OK in finding my mother, an M.D., an objectively attractive individual, and an all-around badass). And yes, he does, at times have difficulty displaying emotion to other males outside of a quiet hug, or an even more silent “I love you.”
Despite these attributes, which would pin this individual down in the category of “a man,” there is so much more to him that complicates this label. This is an individual who cried at the end of "Inside Out" when Bing Bong sacrificed himself in order for Joy to escape the dumping ground of Riley’s mind -- yes, we’ve seen that movie together way too many times.
This is a man who, on a more serious note, quit his job and threw away a significant salary, because it kept him away from his family for more time than he deemed reasonable. This is a man who was comfortable enough in his own self -- and his marriage -- to take leave from his job to take care of his newborn twins because he knew my mother, a doctor, had more important things to do in her work than balance some accounts and file some tax forms.
This is a man who for 34 years, in a world in which divorce is becoming all too common of a practice, has fulfilled his promise to love only one woman and remain by her side no matter the difficulties that they face in or outside of their relationship.
This is a man who has shown me what it truly means to be called a man.
He has shown me that being a man is not the surface level concepts that are dramatized and romanticized in films and in novels. Because of my father, being a man, to me, means to follow through on commitments. Because of him, it means to be comfortable enough in one’s self that the opinions of others really do not matter. Because of him, it means, even if it is a little uncomfortable, that expressing emotion and sentiments to others really is more than OK, and truly necessary in the human experience. Because of him, it means to understand what is truly important in this world and fight for that with unrelenting passion.
