For most people, there's that one person, who no matter what you do, is a constant in your head. Every action you do around them, every word you say to them, every interaction, is in your head forever. Or you flushed them out the best you could because some moments were too embarrassing to keep.
I never knew that I would be one of those people; I guess I am though. The moment I saw this guy for the first time again, my mind shut off and I rambled through every word. I'm not used to that kind of "stuff". I'm not the girl who gets flustered over boys; I'm the girl who enjoys playing sports with them simply to destroy them.
I started writing about the guy I thought I would never talk to again three months after the last time we spoke. I never thought there would be a day when I would talk to him face to face, let alone at all ever again. I wrote the words that flooded my brain on old composition notebooks. I stuffed those away as I did my feelings.
I still thought about him. I still thought about our conversations. I still went through every awkward encounter we had. I never rid myself of memories I had of him. I hated thinking about it.
When I saw him for the first time, my heart jumped. I knew exactly what was going to come out of his mouth first. He didn't have to say it at all. Even though I hadn't talked to this guy in over a year, I still remembered all of his quirks and outlandish behavior.
He began the short conversation as I tried to escape due to doubts and nervous thoughts racing through my body. It wasn't too long after that encounter that my head began to flutter with memories that we once had. I sat in my second class that day questioning myself. Do I like him? That couldn't be possible. As much as I tried to focus on the pointless words my professor was saying, I couldn't stop thinking about the 30 seconds of sheer awkwardness.
In essence, that was the way we were before. Pure awkwardness flooding through every conversation. I hoped he didn't notice this time though. I didn't want him to know I was comfortably uncomfortable with him. That is
I went an entire year without talking to this guy but the moment I did it was like nothing had changed. He was still the goofy guy I first met. He was still the guy who could make me laugh with one word. His smile probably still makes me blush. And his laugh continues to make me smile. I never told him how I felt but one day I will. In fact, maybe I'll tell him by the time this is published.
