My freshman year of college, I participated in sorority recruitment and came out bid-less. There was nothing I wanted more than to find my Panhellenic home. When I rushed, my school had five sororities, so I got to meet with them all.
The first day of recruitment, I was doe-eyed and giddy. All of the girls were so nice and welcoming. Not to mention the fact that they sang to me as I walked through the door. One sorority even sang a Disney song. I'm obsessed with Disney, so it was love at first sight. I came back the next morning to see that my favorite sorority had already dropped me. At that point, I was scared. They barely knew anything about me. How could they make a judgment that quickly? I heard other girls saying that they dropped girls with GPAs that didn't meet the sorority's requirement. I automatically knew that was not true because I had a 4.1 GPA in high school. However, I still had four sororities left and that made me feel optimistic I would find my home.
The second day, the girls were still very nice and welcoming. However I had a hard time connecting with two of the sororities. I was not surprised to come back on the third day and see that those two sororities dropped me. I was not worried at this point because I was starting to fall in love with the remaining two. By the end of the third day, I was not sure how to pick between the two final sororities. I felt so at home with the remaining two.
The next morning, I was dressed up in Lilly Pulitzer dress with a huge smile on my face ready to go to the recruitment. It was the last day before bid day and I was feeling rather confident I would get a bid. Then my group leader called and told me that the final two sororities had dropped me. I was devastated. When you are sitting and waiting for your next round, you sometimes see girls get sent home. I would look at them and think that I would never cry over getting dropped like that. Being in a sorority is not everything. I was wrong. The moment I heard the news, I started to cry. I called my dad and made him come pick me up from my dorm. I have never wanted to leave campus so quickly.
The first thing you think after being dropped is what is wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Was it the fact that I have trichotillomania and I had no eyebrows? Did I say the wrong things? Why did I not deserve a bid?
Despite the fact that recruitment was over, it kept hurting. First came all of my friends posting pictures of their bid day fun. Then came big/little week. Everyone was carrying baskets full of gifts and posting pictures of their mystery notes. Then came big/little reveal and videos of girls screaming in excitement because they have a new home and a new family. Let's not forget to mention retreats, paddles, Greek Week and photo shoots.
Every time I see something like that to this day, it hurts. I'm upset that it's not me. I want to be one of those girls. New sororities keep coming to my school, but I can't join them. I'm afraid to be that girl who gets denied twice. If the first five did not want me, why would the new one? Being bid-less is a lot harder than it seems. There is not a day that goes by that I do not wish I could be one of those girls. The only letters I will ever have is my monogram.
