Life is like a movie. You are the main character, and as you navigate hardships and good fortune, extras pass by as strangers--unnoticed. However, have you ever paused to think that every human being on the Earth has a story? Even your "extras." For example, that lady who sat behind you in the movie theater, now in her forties, started as an infant. Someone cheered when she took her first step. She has friends and family, and she has trials. The man you saw working the register at Wal-Mart has felt heartbreak, yet has experienced at least one sweet moment of happiness. Every single person in the background of your story is as complex as you are, and the crazy thing is, in their eyes, you are the extra. A blurry, nameless face.
The realization that everyone around you also has a thick web of experiences and memories is called "sonder," and it could change your life. Too often as human beings, we think selfishly, and by habit ignore the complexity of lives around us. Surprisingly enough, the world doesn't revolve around any one person, and we are all incredibly similar. In fact, studies show that in a room of 75 people, there is a 99% chance of two people having the same birthday. The "Twin Strangers" project has found several people with nearly identical appearances. We all are born, live (however long), and pass away. As a quote by Margaret Mead goes, "Always remember you are unique. Just like everyone else."
So how can understanding the meaning of "sonder" change your life? Simply put, it can change your perception of others. When you understand that humans all experience adversity, you might be more forgiving. If a stranger makes a rude comment, understand that they could be having a bad day, or perhaps in childhood were taught that such behavior is acceptable. Truly, there is no way to know what kind of life another person lives, therefore there is no place to judge. This knowledge could help you gain patience, and an open heart.
Understanding "sonder" will also open your mind to other cultures and ways of living. It is in the nature of mankind to reject the unfamiliar; however, that could stunt your growth of becoming a well-rounded person. Again, you aren't the only complex person on this planet. While perhaps different, individuals in other cultures also have friends, family, likes, and dislikes. To assume anyone feels or thinks less than you due to unfamiliar culture is not wise. Open your mind up to others, and you won't regret it.
Above all, "sonder" will broaden your imagination and overall appreciation for life. Just to know others around you have lived similar lives is incredible. People are complex, yet we are all tied together through our experiences and nature. We all think random thoughts, laugh, start conversations, and develop routines. So, the next time you are out in public, look around, and remind yourself that each "extra" in your story is living a legacy.
