Medication is not the cure. For the past year, I have dived into the journey of medication for my depression and anxiety. The experience has been nothing less than a journey. I have experienced painful and annoying side effects. I have basically poured money down the drain. I have questioned if this journey is worth it.

According to the calm clinic medication for anxiety has side effects such as hypotension, Decreased sex drive, nausea, lack of coordination, depression, memory loss, and difficulty thinking. Now looking at all these side effects I know I have experienced some of these any many more. Starting with anxiety medication I have experienced hypotension, coming from a family background where I only thought I had to worry about high blood pressure so this was one of the side effects that scared me the most. There would be times where I was in class and I would get so sick I thought I would not be able to move and my blood pressure getting low would cause me to sleep a lot more than normal because I would be to sick and drained to move. With the anxiety medication, I also experienced nausea and difficulty thinking. There would be dozens of time I would skip meals and hide in my bed because I was too nauseous to even move, the nausea was so bad I had to miss class sometimes. With the side effect of difficulty thinking, when you hear this you probably think “she can’t think for herself” but it’s not like that at all it is you being in the middle of a test or a conversation and your whole mind just stops. It’s painful too because you must try and force yourself to think and get back on topic.

All this while Antidepressants can cause sexual dysfunction, headache, dizziness/drowsiness, diarrhea, and weight loss/gain. Let’s start off saying anti-depressants are a lot safer and better for your body then anxiety medication which is why the side effects are less severe and not as many. Headaches might be the side effect I received the most, with each anti-depressant I’ve tried I have received headaches, let’s not confuse this with migraines though, the headaches normally come around 1:00pm and 4:00pm for me with the 4 pm being the worst of the two. Weight has also been a huge factor in my struggle, between my anti-depressants I have fluctuated from losing 15lbs to regaining it and gaining 15lb more making me my heaviest I’ve ever been.

The psychiatrist will try and make this transition smooth don’t get me wrong but the only way they know how so to give you even more medication and send you to a therapist, this is where I say I feel like I dumped money down the drain. I have been on four different anxiety medications not one has really helped me yet, I have been on three different anti-depressants and now one is finally starting to work, and lastly from the psychiatrist I am on a medication to help contradict the side effects, which when I say contradict I mean it puts me to sleep so I will not feel/ suffer through them. These side effects that I suffer though actually are not listed on the side effects mentioned before. Between the anxiety medication and anti-depressants, I will experience being wide awake where no matter how tired I am I am unable to sleep, I experience crazy hot flashes where I’m pooled in sweat, and lastly a side effect that the medication helps mask is shaking, without taking that medicine I will shake the following day.

I am not telling you to not get treated and to be afraid of medicine for mental illnesses. I am trying to more share my struggles and raise awareness of how medication actually is, it is not a quick fix but a journey.