UPDATE 8/8/22. The kaleidoscope of the "what if" stays true as I am a simple dreamer of desire. I truly blame the Pisces in me in which I was born into. We daydream, we desire hard and romanticize things that are just not entirely real. I dream of reliving an old feeling with an entirely new scenario. Pisces often wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, if there's something we're missing, if people coming into our lives have a real meaning, or if we're just simply losing our mind with the toxic trait of constant daydreaming. A new feeling, touch, world, person, and scenery, are all part of the "what if" paradox of choice.

ORIGINAL BLOG

There is a quote I found, which I'll attach here, that signifies a lot with the whole "what if" persona. Alone, "what" and "if" are ideally non-threatening words, yet, when you pair them together, it is the most haunting question that can undeniably engulf itself within your mental state. An individual can constantly ponder the "what if" for the rest of their lives. Look at Nicky from This is Us. I'm not exactly sure how long he thought about Sally, but he had this "what if" moment to what he and Sally are and could have been for the majority of his life. Nicky finally travels to Sally and finds out that she is married, but he finds an old photo of himself hung on the wall of her room. That, right there, is just an inkling that he was possibly thought about from Sally as much as he thought about her.

"What if" can take part in all aspects of life. Either that's a professional decision or something that happened with the family environment. Most popular with the theory of "what if" is the relationship aspect that it mostly revolves around. For instance, "What if the grass is truly greener on the other side?"

A lot of people today look at my marriage and say, "You two are so adorable" and "You two are so great together." What they don't know are the hidden gems of trial and error, the constant reminders of distrust, and how every day I struggle to move past these tragedies. This brings me to "what if."

What if I leave? Will I be happier? What if I finally find a way to move on from the pain?What if I am finally able to forgive and forget?What if after all these years I still wonder if the grass is greener?

"What if" is the most haunting, debilitating question that drowns you to the point where you have to find a way to push it in the back of your mind. Yet you meet new people, make new connections, and continue down the fun road of "what if." The true Pisces in me determines if the "what if" is just a dream or a reality.

I'll take one lobotomy, please.