Oh my. I graduated high school 2 years ago this week. Seeing all the Facebook memories pop up on my timeline makes those bittersweet feelings rush back. I am about to be a junior in college. I can honestly say that my life has not gone exactly as I had hoped it would when I was 18 years old. I wanted to graduate college with a 4.0. I wanted a BSN degree from a 4 year university, and no where else. I did NOT want to change my major. I definitely did not view community college as real college. (yes, I want to smack myself, too.) I was not going to accept that my body would change after not playing sports anymore. As you can tell, I was extremely dead set on a plan, stay the course and graduate in 4 years and 4 years only. Well, thats not what happened..
1. Your life goes according to God's plan, not yours.
I have always been dead set on things going MY way, that sometimes I forget I am not in control at all, God is. In high school, and pretty much all throughout my teenage years, I was SO hard on myself (I still struggle with this). I mean, nothing I did was EVER good enough. I wanted straight A's, a perfect body, perfect hair, perfect outfit, perfect nails, to be a perfect soccer player, pretty much anything you could think of. I would physically make myself sick after worrying and worrying for hours a day. Crazy to think, but this is just how I was. Any of my peers, friends, or teachers could back me up on that. Now don't get me wrong, it is GREAT to push yourself and hold yourself to high standards. But, not when these standards drain every ounce of energy you have. High standards are great, but impossible ones, not so much. Being a girl is tough in general, but adding these pressures that were completely uncesscary made it even worse. I know I am not alone on that. Many girls I know struggle with the same pressures, especially in today's society and with social media. I have gotten better since high school though. I understand that it's okay to not always be put together, that I will never be viewed as "perfect" because no one is. It is okay to not make straight A's, because honestly that is an extremely hard thing to do while in college. My body has changed. I am older, and no longer running on a soccer field. It happens, and it is okay. I have a family and friends that love me for exactly who I am. But above all, God loves me. He knows what He is doing. He knew the day I graduated that my life would not go as I planned and that I would have to accept that fact, and grow from it. That is exactly what I am trying to do.
2. Community college IS REAL COLLEGE!
Community college, for me, was the best plan. Don't get me wrong, four year universities are an awesome choice as well. But for a girl who LOVED high school, community college was the perfect fit. When my parents suggested I do my basic courses at a community college, I was so upset. I knew all of my friends were going away for college and I did NOT want to miss out. I cried when my best friend Anna left for school at Western. I saw how much she loved it and automatically regretted staying home. I wanted the full college experience, the dorm, the sorority, the social life. I wanted it all. After I did a year of community college, I did just that. I went to a four year university for a year and guess what? I was not happy. At all. My mental and physical health suffered, not to mention my grades. Never in my life had I came across professors who really did not care whether or not I came to class, turned in my homework, or how I was doing as a person. I know that sounds nuts that I only figured it out once I got to college, but hey, my teachers in high school were beyond amazing, so I was blind sided that not everyone was like them. Everyone tells you when you graduate that college is a whole different ball game, but like most things, this is just something you have to figure out on your own. During my year at the four year university, I met some amazing people that I loved of course. I joined a sorority and it really helped me feel better during those months. But academically, I knew I was not in the right place. I decided to transfer back home to the community college I started at. Definitely was not in my plan, but I am so thankful that it is now.
3. Mom and Dad are right....
Need I say more? My parent's have been so supportive of me my entire life, but especially over the last two years. They remind me it is okay to not know EXACTLY what I am doing. I am still young, I still have time. Thanks mom and dad, for letting me figure out on my own what you already knew.
4. It's okay to change your major.. and then change it back.
I think in the 4 semesters I have been in college, I have changed my major around six times. Nursing to social work to psychology to dental hygiene to education, and now back to nursing. Each time, I would tell myself "Okay, this is it. No more changing." and then there I was, two weeks later wide awake studying for an exam for a class I knew I did not need. I remember thinking in high school, "There is no way I will ever change my major. I know what I want." Well, no, I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted for a long time. It took me taking random classes, doing hours and hours of homework, multiple phone calls to my parents, and long talks with my advisors before I really realized what I should do for the rest of my life. I know for a fact I am not alone. It is okay to change your major. It is okay to feel like you have no idea what you are doing. Welcome to college.
6. You did not peak in high school.
I remember the day I was sitting in Econ 201 and I had just failed a test I studied hours for. I even went to my cousin's house who majored in business while he was in college so he could tutor me. I made flash cards. I highlighted notes. I still failed. I just remember thinking "I peaked in high school." I graduated high school with honors, had really good grades, and never really struggled with any subjects, and yet I could not pass test if I tried. I felt like since I did not have the best grades, the jeans from senior year were a little snug, and I was not as happy as I had once been, that I peaked in high school. I would look back at old pictures and just wish I could go back to how life used to be. I now know that isn't true. I have learned so much since then. I am a different person, I believe for the better. There are just some things that you don't learn until you are forced to grow up a little. You will not always make an A, a B, or even a C on a test. Sometimes your best just isn't good enough. But it shouldn't stop you from waking up the next day and trying to do better.
8. You are still worth believing in.
Something I hope I never forget again.
