We’ve all heard the phrase, but the connotation may be more negative than we thought. Last week at the Real Simple/TIME Women & Success Panel NY senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D) discussed the phrase “having it all” with TIME’s Nancy Gibbs.
She told Gibbs, “I think it’s insulting. What are you ‘having?’ A party? Another slice of pie? ‘All’ implies that a woman staying home with her kids is somehow living a life half-full. What we’re really talking about is doing it all. How do we help women do all the things they want to do?”Gillibrand definitely has a point. Historically, the problem with the phrase is that society expected that all women had the same dream: to have a successful career and a loving family. For the modern woman, this doesn’t necessarily ring true. In the 21st century, not every woman wants a family, sometimes she just wants to be a CEO or own her own business. On the opposite end, there are women who just want to raise their children and be stay-at-home moms, but there is a certain stigma attached to that idea.
So what does my generation think of this phrase and what it means for them? I went to my fellow Chapman students and asked them “What does the phrase “having it all” mean for you?” Here are some of their responses:
CHLOE / sophomore / Undeclared: “Being really content in every aspect of my life. You know, not being stressed out financially, having good friendships, and balancing work and social life. Usually, the connotation in high school was that a girl was perfect – beautiful, always chased by guys, smart. Like her life is easy for her. But that’s just a superficial observation, because no one has it easy and no one can “have it all.” ”
RACHEL / sophomore / Journalism major & Music minor: “I think it’s having family, love, and being happy with your life, whether that’s money, material goods, whatever.”
ALEC / sophomore / Screenwriting major: “I guess personally, it would mean having the means to do what I wanted. That doesn’t necessarily mean a gold-plated mansion or a Lamborghini or anything like that, but more just like I can get where I need to be, create what I want to create… and yeah, love doesn’t hurt.”
MILES / sophomore / English major: “For me, it is happiness and leading a fulfilling life.”
SKYE / junior / Sociology major: “I guess to me it just means having everything you care about and not having to worry about losing it anymore. For me that means having the people I love constantly in my life without a fear of ever losing them.”
DOUG / sophomore / English major: “For me, it means having it all means freedom. As long as I have a feeling that I can go where I want and pursue the things I want to pursue, I definitely don’t feel like I need anything else. Freedom to be around people that I love, freedom to make my own decisions. That’s how I would classify having it all, at least for me.”
JASMINE / senior / IES Communities Strand major: “My definition of having it all is to own a home and be financially secure, but that can and will change once I’ve accomplished that and moved onto the next dream. I truly don’t think the phrase has ever held any power because it can’t be universally defined no matter how often society pretends it can.”
CAROLYN / sophomore / Math & Dance double major: “Having it all would be being content and happy with where I’m at in life, while still aspiring to higher goals. You still have something to strive for, but you’re still happy with your life and your journey. You always have goals, you’ve never complacent.”
ANNA / sophomore / Creative Producing major: “When I hear that phrase, I think it means having a life that’s balanced. It doesn’t necessarily mean all aspects of my life are extraordinary, but just somewhat figured out. To “have it all” means to be able to juggle everything and still be sane. It also means to be happy or content with everything in your life, not a specific aspect.”
IAN / freshman / Environmental Science & Policy major: “For me, it means having wonderful people in my life, doing something that I love doing, and just being able to experience life.”
SARA / sophomore / Econ & Environmental Science major: “For me, it means experiences or knowledge. If I hear someone being described as “having it all,” I feel like they’ve gathered a lot of diverse experiences.”
MIRANDA / senior / Health Science major: “In order to be happy I’d strive to have a career I enjoy that pays well, a husband and kids, living somewhere warm with a big enough house to have a backyard. Through my eyes, that’s having it all.”
Everyone has a different definition of what “having it all” means, but one thing people can agree on is that their definition of “having it all” is flexible, not set in stone. Both women and men should feel that they “have it all” when they feel like themselves and are happy with their lives. The new movement against the use of the phrase “having it all” proves that as a society, we are progressing towards breaking down stereotypes and barriers, and working for the things in life that make us happy, equal, and strong. Now that is truly the best example of “having it all.”
