Coming to terms with my sexuality has been a tough ordeal, and making it public knowledge to my friends and family has been an even tougher one. The fact that I'm writing an Odyssey article about it and sharing it on social media is highly indicative of the progress that I've made toward self acceptance. Although I'm feeling more confident about my sexuality than I ever have, it doesn't diminish the day-to-day frustrations of being a bisexual woman in a heteronormative world.
For me, personally, one of the most difficult barriers to break through is that of the world being saturated with repressive binaries. At first, being bisexual seems simple enough. I am romantically and sexually attracted to women and men (and for me personally, all genders beyond the binary). I've even had people say to me: "You're so lucky! You have literally everyone to chose from!" First of all, from my experiences crushing hard on straight women, this statement is incredibly false. Second of all, it doesn't account for the pressure bisexual people often feel to chose "one or the other." For myself as a bisexual woman I often feel the pressure of not being "gay enough" or having to give a percentage of my desire levels for each gender. It can be very confusing, and I often find myself wanting to just "pick one" and be done with it, but that would be me lying to myself about who I am, and I'm done with that.
Furthermore, there's the horribly ignorant notion that bisexuality isn't real. Disclaimer: I am living proof that it's real. Some of the myths that circulate in popular media include the belief that bisexual people will bang anyone that breathes, that they're more likely to cheat, that they're always down to have threesomes and that they're just experimenting and will eventually "pick one." These myths trouble me on a couple of different fronts. I feel like they are mainly directed towards bisexual women with the amount of slut-shaming taking place. If a bisexual person is "sexually promiscuous," one -- that's not anyone else's business because it's their private sex life and two -- it doesn't have anything to do with them being bisexual. Also, yes, some people might initially come out as bisexual and then later on realize that this inaccurately describes their sexuality, but by no means is this characteristic of every bisexual person's experience.
I touched on this earlier, but it's important to note that bisexual doesn't necessarily mean the person is romantically and sexually attracted to just men and women, just as humanity isn't limited to the gender binary. Each bisexual person defines their bisexuality differently in a way that is personal to them. For me, being bisexual is being romantically and sexually attracted to two or more genders. I want to make this clear because I want to do my part to eliminate transphobia in the bisexual community.
Here's what you should know about me, a fat bisexual femme woman who is tired of being invalidated and belittled by mainstream media and peer remarks: I'm emotional and sensitive. I'm passionate and loyal. I'm monogamous. I think femininity is powerful. Sometimes I find it difficult to reconcile presenting feminine and being queer. Sometimes I don't feel "queer enough." Sometimes I feel really comfortable with who I am, and sometimes I find myself slipping back into the closet. Ultimately, though, I am grateful for the people who have stuck by me, let me speak my truth, and continue to provide me with safety and love.
