When I was a junior in high school I attended the Desperation Conference in Colorado Springs. I walked out during one session and was staring at the mountains and heard God's voice so clearly saying "Come to the mountains, move out of your comfort zone. Let me work with you." I was terrified. I kept telling myself that I didn't actually hear him. How could I ever leave Texas, much less what was going to bring me to Colorado? Senior year came around and I started my search for colleges. My dream school UT Austin accepted me, I should've been on cloud 9. This is what I had dreamed of since the age of four, yet I couldn't shake the feeling that this was not where I was meant to be. I heard about CU from a friend in Colorado and again felt the feeling that, that was where I was supposed to be. I said what do I have to lose so I applied and set up a tour. I got accepted, and when I did I felt the overwhelming sense of "GO." My tour for CU came right after my visit to UT and then when I stepped on campus here, there was no doubt that this was home.

It took me a long time to process that this was where I was supposed to be. When I started telling people that I was attending college at CU I often heard, "Why would you want to go there?" I started to hear negative things about Colorado, and how that wasn't a place I should be. I started to second guess what God had spoken to me. No matter how many times I questioned him though, he continued to reassure me. Those who knew me best kept telling me that they just felt like Colorado was where I was meant to be.

When I got here, I immediately found myself into one of the hardest seasons I have ever experienced within my faith. I kept my faith hidden, I felt so misplaced. How was I supposed to grow and dive deeper into who God was if I couldn't even feel his presence in my dorm room? I entered into this really scary time where I didn't know if believing was worth it. I called my friends and my mom bawling that I wanted to go home, that I made a mistake. I wanted to go back to what felt safe. Through these conversations, I kept feeling God saying to me "wait it out, this is all apart from my plan." It was by no coincidence that I heard the same from those who spoke to about wanting to leave.

It wasn't until the middle of this semester that I realized that all of the struggles I was facing had to do with my reason for being here. I realized that this season of my life was not going to be easy. I was going to question my faith, my thoughts on who God was, and who I was within him.

There have been so many nights where my roommate was out, and I just cried because I couldn't understand why. Why did God bring me to a place where I hardly knew anyone, why I felt that I couldn't be honest about my faith. I started to feel like such a let down to Him, to the girls I had mentored back home, to my family and overall to myself. I was in such a hurry to figure out why I was here, that I didn't give Him a chance to speak to me. It wasn't until I was sitting across from someone I barely knew, weeping out everything built up inside me, or sitting on the floor in a room filled with people singing their praises to the Lord that I understood. Understood that the valleys we go through as Christians are what start to define our relationship with him. That those moments where you in such darkness, are the moments that start to build your faith in Him.

Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook posts praising God are great. I love seeing them and how He is doing great works in other people's lives. I just don't want that to be the only thing we talk about though. I want us as believers to start showing the world our ugly and our broken too because it is then that we can make a connection with the world. When we start being real with not only other believers but non-believers as well, that is when you start building His kingdom.

I don't know what is holding you back right now from saying "yes" to him. I do know that fear though, the fear of what will take place once you get there. I can tell it won't be easy and you will face a season where you question his ability to move in you. Go. Go and face your fears, move from what you know and let him do his work. It won't happen as soon as you get there, it may even take months or a year for you to start seeing it. I encourage you though to go and let him take you from your mountaintop and into your valley so that you can begin to see how great his mercy, and love really is. Go deeper into who he is. Move from what you know and move into a place where your trust is really without borders. When I answered "yes" to his call, I answered yes to challenging who I really was in Christ. This journey is just starting, but tonight I answered "yes" again to continue to allow Him to do his work, and to be patient for the answers he will provide.

"Take this mountain weight. Take these ocean tears. Hold me through the trial. Come like hope again." - Even When it Hurts (Hillsong)