Sometimes I cannot fathom how you can tolerate me when I am absorbed into my own bubble. In this bubble, I freeze my heart and I lock you out. I put my stress and worries into this cage that sits behind my eyes and drums in my ears. I stand further away from you in the same room. I plug my headphones in so that you won't ask how my day is and I won't have to ask you about yours. I hide in my room or constantly go out with the newest strangers, or by myself, because I think the noise is where you are.

The thing is... It's the bubble. This bubble floats away from you with me inside of it. The noise isn't where you are, it's everywhere I go instead of to you.

So, I'm here to step outside of my bubble and to tell you the things I forget to always tell you.

1. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that when you needed me, I was absentmindedly there. As you talked about what caused your beautiful and sensitive mind distress, I was thinking of what I was going to eat for lunch that day. I'm sorry that I didn't hold your hand and kiss your forehead when you got into an argument with someone you hold dear to your heart. I'm sorry that I turned to every corner for help except yours because I decided that there was nothing in this world you could teach me. Most of all, I'm sorry I always made you feel like you were the last resort. I'm sorry if I sometimes continue to do any of these.

2. You were right.

You were right when you said I didn't know everything about the world. You were right when you said you would always be in my corner and support me, even if my choices weren't exactly what you had in mind. You were right when you said at the end of the day, you would be the only thing I have forever. I know that now. I know that you have always been there, in the best way that you could be. I know that you don't have much money, you're aware of your flaws, but you take time to put me first. You always put me first, above anything else, because you're my biggest fan. I'll never forget anything you do for me.

3. This is what you deserve.

You deserve to feel happy and secure in every aspect of your world. You deserve to have the world in your hands and your heart on the highest mountain that everyone wants to climb, and to never harm. You deserve the Victorian style house you've always wanted, the one with the porch that wraps around the sides. You deserve to feel like everyday is vacation and that everyone you love appreciates you. You deserve to live the life you've been trying so hard to give me.

4. I know, but it's not true.

I know how you're really feeling. I wasn't lying when I said I can see the pain in everyone's eyes. I see it mostly in yours. I see how you look at me and wish that you could give me more and that you knew what else you could do for me. I see how your smile turns slightly downwards when I complain about my life. I know you're hurting because you believe you haven't given me everything you wish you could. It's not true. You've given me a future. You've given me morals that every other millennial will lack for the rest of their lives. You've shown me real love, the love that gets hard, but feels easy when it's just right for you. You've taught me that nothing defeats passion. You've given me a home to always run to, even if I never want to. You've provided me with true, authentic unconditional love. You are too hard on yourself, I know. I can sense it all around you. I know you believe that you're never going to be enough, but it's not true. You're plenty for the world to see.

5. I promise.

I promise, from now on, to show you that I appreciate every little thing you've done for me in my life. I promise to take you out to lunch just because I want to spend time with you, because I know that nothing makes you happier than your children wanting to see you for no reason at all. I promise to give you my undivided attention if you choose to talk to me. I promise to run to you when I feel lost, because I know now that home is the only place that I can never be lost at. I promise to call you just to ask how your day was and to listen to you gossip about my siblings or complain about how dirty the house was. I promise to never be afraid of you, and to always be honest with my feelings. I promise that when I am older and living the life I've worked hard for, to give you back everything you've given me. I promise to thank you for giving me life when I didn't want it anymore. I promise to always be here for you and to remind you that you're worthy of a thousand lifetimes.

You're the most kind soul to walk the earth and the only person I know that will always be there. I am so lucky to have you as my mother, regardless of how I have shown it in the past.

I'm a better person now as an adult, all because I have been given light when I was hiding in the dark.

Thank you for invading my bubble. Thank you for being my light.

I love you, Mom.