One of the topics I find myself thinking about often is what it means to be a man. Ever since fifth grade, when I first had one of many serious talks with my dad about manliness and maturity and growing up, I've kept the question going in the back of my mind, evaluating my everyday actions by a rubric aimed at making me the best man possible.
I wish I had more concrete reasons besides conversations with my dad for thinking about this so much. But no matter how hard I think about it, I can't eke anything else out. The only other possibility I can think of is the seemingly innumerable times I felt bested by other males in grade school and college who seemed to have the "man" thing down pat, especially as it related to girls.
Yeah, that's it. They seemed to have an inexplicably solid grasp on attracting girls through an undeniable manliness which they didn't even seem like they were struggling to achieve. Some of these "men" knew just the right things to say, while others knew just how romantic and caring to be, while yet others knew when to call a girl out on an ignoble pattern of actions.
I especially regard men who succeed in the pick-up world - those who walk into bars and nightclubs and seemingly effortlessly walk out with a dame on their shoulder. How do they do it? Is it confidence? Is it luck? Is it even an appreciable set of skills one can hope to acquire?
Yet the most elusive and also attractive part of manliness I seek is one of the most stereotypical.
I want to be the breadwinner. The one who carries the weight of his family, his job, his academia and his significant other on his shoulder; the one how faces insurmountable odds on a daily basis but always finds a way to make it work; the one who disguises permeable feelings behind a curtain of solemnity and ruthlessness when it's time to make a serious decision.
I think of soldiers, of world leaders, of shrewd businessmen and fathers. I think of them and say to myself, that's who I want to be. A man; a real man who knows when to love, when to walk, when to attack and when to defend, when to spread the news and when to stay quiet. The epiphany of tact in the sexual, the business, the family, the academic and the professional realms.
A real man.
