This summer, you are bound to have some free time. I know, I know, you have so many cool friends who are all begging for you to hang out with them and dare I say, “rally," but let's face it -- we all have to slow down sometimes. Some would tell you stop and smell the roses, but I would say to take a little break to gain “a lifetime of knowledge" from DCOMs. If you don't know what a DCOM is, let me start off by saying a quick prayer for you. Second, let me explain so you can finally move up in the world. DCOM stands for Disney Channel Original Movie. The fact that only one of these movies has won an Emmy award (The Color of Friendship) is a crying shame. So here they are, the life lessons I have learned from listening to countless hours of "next on Disney Channel."
These are in no particular order, nor is this a comprehensive list. One only has so many hours in the day.
Smart House (1999). Technology is slowly but surely taking over society, and we need to get it under control before our houses turn on us and try to become our mothers. But that wallpaper that changed into whatever background scenery you wanted sure was cool.
Model Behavior (2000). You cannot fool people forever. However, It is possible, if you wear glasses, they might be the only things holding you back from looking exactly like a supermodel. And you will get the chance to go on a date with Justin Timberlake in an oversized suit.
Motocrossed (2001). Girl power. You can do anything you want to if you put your mind to it. Girls can race in motocross if they just believe in themselves, cut off all their hair, and pretend to be their brothers. Also, they will get the cute guy in the end. Basically, think of this as a low budget She's the Man.
Cadet Kelly (2002). Be unique, be original, and be yourself and people will love you for who you are. Have you ever noticed how Kelly dressed, acted like, and had the same hairstyles as Lizzie McGuire? Very suspicious.
Gotta Kick It Up! (2002). Si se puede! This movie taught me that even girls with two left feet can learn to dance. All you need is an over eager coach in '90s gym attire. Thank goodness. I needed to hear that from someone. Also, never date someone named Chewy (spelled Chuy).
The Even Stevens Movie (2003). If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. We all remember this movie. Beans and the Stevens family are tricked into thinking they have won a free vacation to the tropical island of Mandelino. Little do they know, they are really on an island right off the coast of California being filmed for a reality show called Family Fake Out. This movie also taught me to never befriend anyone named “Beans." It can only mean trouble.
Pixel Perfect (2004). Sometimes, what you are searching for is actually right in front of you. This movie has it all -- Ricky Ullman, a holographic pop star, an angsty teen girl who thinks she isn't good enough to get the guy, an audition for the band montage, and most importantly a weird trippy cop out ending.
Stuck in the Suburbs (2004). Sometimes, being stuck in the suburbs isn't such a bad thing after all. This movie has a star-studded cast. Brenda Song, Danielle Panabaker and Taran Killam?! That's right, your favorite SNL star, Taran, is in this movie playing a brooding pop star. I'll be stuck in any suburb with that man just to revel in his comedic genius. And to ask him why he did this movie.
High School Musical (2006). Follow your own dreams, not your parents' dreams, and for Pete's sake, sing your way through high school. Everyone is bound to know the words and join right in. It's a truly beautiful thing. Get'cha your head in the game, people, because you can be the start of something new.
Jump In! (2007). The life lesson here is that Corbin Bleu has mad acting skills. First, he plays Troy Bolton's loyal and lovable best friend, Chad Danforth. Then he mixes it up by playing loyal and lovable Izzy Daniels who, while trying to further his boxing career, falls in love with jumping rope. Push it to the limit, Corbin.
