A year ago I found myself absolutely broken. My soul was in pieces. The world has made me hard. A year ago I found myself lower than I had ever been before. I had felt a new level of heartbreak and disappointment- a level I didn't know existed. For the first time in my life, I found myself alone in a way I had never been before. Despite the support of my friends and my family, I felt completely and utterly alone. No amount of words could make me feel better and no amount of love could make me feel healed because, at the end of the day, I knew that what I was going through was for me to face on my own.
A year ago, life had broken me. A year ago, I was lost. I had no idea what to do or where to go. A year ago I had no idea what else life could do to me. A year ago I found myself far away from home in a city with thousands of people I didn't know and I knew it was time to go. So I packed my car and sold my things and started the long journey home. I didn't know what to expect, but I hoped things couldn't get worse than they were.
A year ago, as I found myself heading north on I-95 for mile after mile, I thought about all that had transpired over the last year of my life. I thought about all the ways life had changed me. It was in those hours with nothing but miles of highway ahead of me that I pleaded with life. I gave myself over to the ways of the universe and asked it to just use me and to mold me into what I need to be.
Over the next year of my life, I was transformed. It was only after I gave myself to the mercy of the universe, that I was truly able to be molded and shaped into who I was meant to be. It was only after I said "here I am, broken and beaten down, use me how you can," that I truly started to see myself and my life be transformed.
When something begins, you generally don't know how it will end. When I moved to Florida, I thought that was where I was going to spend the next few years of my life. I had all these plans for my life, none of which included moving home after a year, but that's what life had in store for me. But life also had a lot of other things in store for me that I never even planned for. My best friend getting engaged. Reconnecting and living with my dad. My aunt beating cancer. Becoming a nanny. Getting a second job at a hospital's day care center. Reconnecting with friends I thought were gone from my life. Seeing my sister graduate college. Seeing a friend have a baby. Getting to be a part of my "sister's" senior year of high school. Life gave me all of these things when I moved home and surrendered myself to the hands of the universe.
When I surrendered myself to the ways of the universe, my whole life was transformed. Every aspect of who I was started to be repaired and strengthened and molded. A year ago I had no idea what was in store for me, but the universe knew and it was just waiting for me to allow myself to be moved and used. Life has a crazy way of working out when you let go over the plan you created and let it do its magic. Because the truth of the matter is, life can be pretty magical when you give it a chance.
This past year I finally gave life a chance and I have been rewarded beyond measure. I let life use me how it needed to and I let it take me to the places I needed to be. I have had incredible experiences and have met indescribable people as a result. The more I begin to trust the process and have faith in the universe, the more rewards I am being blessed with.
A year ago I was lost with no hope of a future. Today I am beyond blessed with so much excitement for what's in store. Have faith in the process and trust it to take to where you are meant to be. When you let go, life will take hold. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
