For a long time now, I have felt silenced by the people who have tried to weigh me down, and sadly, they won. Time and time again, when I have spoken out about things that I am passionate about or even just being completely and utterly myself, someone has always had something to say about it.
This has led me to feel trapped within my own head, without having any freedom to escape. However, after one of the most challenging years of my life so far, something in me has changed.
Within this year, I have lived through two things that I thought I would have never had to go through. One of them was being in a mentally and physically abusive relationship, and the other one was being a "victim" of sexual assault. Even admitting to these two things happening is a huge step in my growing process.
When these two things happened, I really hit rock bottom. The world as I knew it was turned upside down, and I no longer knew what to think or feel. Feeling betrayed and broken by two people I thought I knew, trusted, and loved, I really felt alone, not knowing who to trust anymore. Until I realized that I had a friend when I needed it most all along.
That friend was me.
It's crazy to think that the very thing that set me into this motion of truly loving and accepting myself, was actually the most difficult thing I have ever had to face. I realized that I can no longer let other people's actions and words dictate my life, so I started to take it into my own hands. This started with stopping my silence on things I have been holding onto for too long and finally freeing myself from the unwanted opinions from others.
I am not writing this piece to feel sadness or pity from anyone, or to give a sob story of great triumph, but to put life into a different perspective. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations, minor or major, that we never thought we would have to encounter, leaving us unsure how to navigate life as we once knew it.
It is okay to not know where to turn to next, as long as you know that there is always a "next" in life.
I like to think that whatever is controlling this life, whether it be God or the energies, would never throw something at me that I could not handle. With thinking that, my perspective is forever changed. I refuse to live a life silenced by other people, afraid of the backlash I could receive.
From here on out, I will live life unapologetically. Speaking up and never again backing down.
