What It Means To Be Suicidal
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Being Suicidal Is So Much More Than You May Think

Never judge a book by its cover, because we don't know what hides inside the chapters.

Being Suicidal Is So Much More Than You May Think

Content warning: Article discusses suicidal ideation.

Many people suffer from mental illness, traumatic childhood, loneliness, job loss, bullying, and so much more. Some have more energy than others to fight and go on with their life. But others get stuck, and lost in a dark lonely forest, and when they scream there is no one around to hear them and help. Just because we see someone laughing and smiling doesn't mean that they are happy and living their best life. We see what we are allowed to see.

I hate my life, having to smile all the time when I feel like running and hiding from everyone around.

I hate waking up, having to use all my energy just to shower, brush my teeth, eat, work, and repeat.

I hate going out, having to smile and laugh like everything is alright.

I hate being alone, sitting in the dark crying and drowning with no one around.

I hate fighting, every morning, afternoon, and night.

I hate trying, over and over again with no success at all.

But I love my friends, who've been searching for a way to get me back from the black hole where I've been.

I love my mom, who has worked day and night to give me what I need in life.

I love my siblings, who I want to make proud at least once in my life.

I hate, having to say that I'm okay when I want to disappear from everyone around.

But I love myself — the reason why I fight each day even if most of the time I feel like giving up.

And I get tired, fighting, trying, running, crying.

I hate when I'm judged because no one knows the path full of thorns I've had to cross.

Having suicidal thoughts isn't about cutting and hurting your body all the time. Being suicidal is being a warrior fighting against your own mind, protecting your life like a knight protects its land. So many people are so quick to draw their own pictures, write their own stories in their heads about other people. Individuals with suicidal thoughts are seen as dangerous, psychotic, and selfish, just to name a few. But no one really stops to ask:

"What's going on that makes you feel this way?

"What can I do to help you?"

"Are you actually okay?"

Or, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Suicidal thoughts are not just based on having a bad day, losing your job, losing a loved one, being lonely. Contemplating suicidal is a compilation of the past, present, and how the future looks. It's about losing all the power to keep fighting. It's about trying everything you can to be better but always get sucked back into the black hole. Is about not having anyone there for you to tell you:

"I care about you."

"Your life is important to me."

"You aren't alone, we will get through this together."

"You are not crazy."

"I don't understand your pain, but I will try my best."

Or, "I'm here for you."

No one really understands how hard it is to make a plan, commit to it, and do it. Some survive, but unfortunately, many don't. And is not about running away from the problems, is more about wanting to sleep and never wake up again. Not having to feel rejected, judged, having to fake so many smiles and laughs. Having to fake being happy, then getting home and crying. No one understands how hard it is to find a purpose in life when every door closes in your face, and when everyone around throws rocks at you. Having suicidal thoughts is about stopping the pain.

If you know someone with suicidal thoughts, don't' judge them or push them away.

You might not know what to do or what to say, but trust me when I say that checking up on that friend or family member will help. Give them a hug, and tell them that they aren't alone in this. Remember that they are humans too, trying to fight their own war to save their life. And you might be the soldier that will make a difference in that person's life.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, I need you to know that you are not alone in this.

Reach out to someone you love, or even someone online. Remember that there will always be someone willing to help you and listen to you without judgment. You are stronger than you think. I know that life seems so dark right now but hey, there can't be a rainbow without a storm. Think about your family and those friends that become family. The pain they will have to live with if you were gone. Taking baby steps isn't bad at all, I'm proud of you for waking up today, getting out of bed, and trying your best. I believe in you, and I believe that slowly you'll be able to climb back from that hole. Bad things happen to good people, why? I wish I knew. But remember to keep fighting because this world needs you. You are worthy, loved, and needed more than you think. I'm cheering for you.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Report this Content
Rebecca Alvarez

Rebecca Alvarez is many things: founder, sexologist, CEO, mentor, and more — as a Latina businesswoman, each of her endeavors is grounded in the strong principles of inclusivity and diversity, especially in sexual health and wellness. Bloomi is the product of her all of her shared passions, and with it she has fostered a community of like-minded, passionate women.

Keep Reading... Show less

There is not a consistent standard for health education in the United States. There are a lot of variables that go into this — what state a student lives in, whether they go to a public or private school, and the district's funding and priorities. These variables can be argued for any subject, not just health class. But as we continue to grow as a society, hopefully bettering our education system along the way, it's crucial to consider this often-forgotten element of a child's schooling.

Keep Reading... Show less

In March, the whole country shut down. School was online, extra-curriculars were canceled, and I found myself laying in bed all day every day. One day, as I was laying in bed contemplating my laziness, I decided that I wanted to do something to make myself more healthy. I was feeling so down on myself and my laziness so I decided to make a change.

Keep Reading... Show less

10 Songs That Made It Onto My September Playlist

September is the month for Los Angeles natives and Australian music fans.


The Neighbourhood, Bad Suns and The Driver Era are three Los Angeles bands that released songs this month. Not only was it a month for Los Angeles bands, but many Australian bands released new music — San Cisco's fourth studio album, Surf Trash single, Skegss single, and High Tropics single. I made new discoveries this month and was pleased by the amount of new music.

Read the listicle below to learn what came out this month in alternative rock music:

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Staying Active While You're Stuck Inside IS Possible, It Just Takes Some Small Steps

I know the last thing you want to think about right now is exercising, but it's time to put down the controller and put on your workout clothes.


As someone who has also been living on a bed since March, I can guarantee you that working out has been the last thing on my priority list. It's pretty far down there, along with my motivation and brain cells I used to use for work. However, I have made an effort in the past couple of weeks to move up exercising to at least number three on my priorities list.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Got Clean At A Very Young Age, And It Honestly Saved My Life

At 18, the world looked so much different for me than it did for most other 18-year-olds that I knew.

Emmie Pombo

Going into rehab when I was 19 was hands down the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. My addiction started when I was around 17 and spiraled and spiraled out of control, as addictions always do. However, looking back, I'm so lucky my addiction started and ended when it did.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

7 Things Your Partner Can Do To Support You When You Have PCOS

Don't be afraid to ask for help or comfort if you need it.


Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) may not be totally visible to the eye, which makes it a lot harder for your partner to understand what's going on with your body.

If you are in a relationship, it's important that you communicate your PCOS symptoms with your partner. I say "your" symptoms specifically because everyone's symptoms are different.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Watched 'The Social Dilemma' And YIKES, I'm Terrified For The Next Generation's Mental Health

Millennials can remember a time without online social affirmation, but we may be the last ones.

The Social Dilemma / Netflix

I've been in a media job for the entirety of my professional career. From part-time social media internships to full-time editorial work, I've continued to learn how to tell stories, write catchy headlines, and keep people interested. I believe working in media is a big responsibility, as well as a valuable way to advance our world.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

One Indictment, Three Charges, And No Justice For Breonna Taylor

We can't settle for this decision or a system that is fundamentally broken and unequal.


On March 13, 26-year-old Breonna Taylor was fatally shot in her apartment by police who were executing a "no-knock" warrant. Since then, there have been rallying efforts both in the streets and on social media demanding justice for Taylor and keeping her name known.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments