One of my classes meets twice a week on Mondays and Wednesdays. My professor likes to ask us questions in the beginning of class and we go around the room to reveal our answers individually. One of the questions last week was, "what would your 7 year old self say about you now?"
After I shared my answer I really stopped to think about the past. I thought about where I was, what I was doing, where I thought I was going - then I jumped to the present and was hit with major disappointment.
I said and I quote, "I think my 7 year old self would say that I have simmered down a lot. I was pretty much a bitch. I had to be the best, I had to be on top, I was mean, and I was more outgoing than I am now."
What I really should have said was this: "I have done a complete 180 with myself. I have lost my competitive drive that would push me to be the best I could possibly be. I lost my ability to speak my mind without the fear of making a mistake. I lost all confidence and let the fear of making a mistake rule my life. I stopped talking as much. I let people walk all over me. I lost the love for myself I had every time I saw my reflection. I lost any motivation to go shopping because I didn't want to try on new clothes to see my hideous body in them. I have really grown to hate myself, and its disgusting."
I admit to my 7 year old self being a bit of a mean girl. I'm a leo, what can I say? Okay, removing the stars from the situation, I was mean. I didn't take shit from a single person. I would never let anyone be right, I would never let anyone have the upper hand, I would always have to one-up someone to show that I could do it better. I was annoying. Luckily, I have let go of all that. I lost a lot of friends being that way, and a lot of mean things were once said about me. Once I hit high school I realized being that kind of person was 100% draining and such a waste of time. It was benefiting nothing but my own ego, and hurting everyone else around me.
Now that I have freed myself from being the ultimate bitch, I have also lost my healthier competitive edge that would help mentally strive for improvement in all aspects of myself. Whether it be a homework assignment or my dancing, I found myself doing the bare minimum amount of work just to get by. I realized this is not how I want to continue to live, so I must change my ways.
I am super glad my professor asked the class this question. The thoughts lingered around in my brain for awhile, and ultimately changed my mindset. I encourage you to ask yourself the same question...
What would your 7 year old self say about you now?
