2018 has been a roller coaster year full of ups, downs, and maybe a little extra downs here and there. In some parts of 2018, I felt as if I could do anything and everything. It felt as if I was on top of the world and nothing could bring me down from there. On the other hand, 2018 made me feels sometimes that I was not worthy of anything. In the times that I felt like I wasn't worthy of anything, I saw myself turn into this "monster" that did not care about anyone or anything and said whatever I wanted regardless of the consequences saying the wrong thing might have. A great personification of this feeling would be a tornado tearing through anything and everything it found.
Now, don't get me wrong I've made some new friends these past few months who are amazing and who have made my 2018 wonderful. They have shown me that I am worthy of finding happiness wherever it may lie and have taken away the feeling I've had of being a monster who wants nothing more than to ruin peoples' lives. These friends, one in particular, has told me some advice that I should have listened to before and hopefully, you all will listen to the same advice: Focus on yourself.
I know this advice sounds super cliché, but honestly, this advice is what 2018 has taught me overall. Throughout the year, I put so many things before my own health and sanity. I wanted others to be happy before I was happy myself. It felt right in the moment, but when I was given that advice from my friend I realized that I had been hurting myself in order to make people feel better.
When we tell people "I'm going to focus on myself," we think that it comes off as narcissistic. However, it should come off as the complete opposite. It should come off as us politely explaining to people that we care about others, but at this moment in time, we care about ourselves a little bit more. I believe that 2019 should be the year about focusing on ourselves. Finding what makes us happy and pursuit that further whether that may be friendships, relationships, a new hobby, etc.
I think I can speak for a lot of people when I say that I am ready for 2018 to be over with and for 2019 to begin. While I am happy for the memories I've made with the friends I've met along the way this year, 2019 is going to be the year I focus on myself. 2019 will be the year I learn to love myself and everything I have to offer. It's like what RuPaul always says, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"