We're not perfect. We're all a little good. And a little not so good. A dash of Ying. A pinch of Yang. Part good wolf. Part bad wolf. You get it, right? We all have those in us; just as much as we can be good, we can also be bad. Who is responsible for the bad just as much as the good? The person looking back at you in the mirror. At times, we have a tough time owning it. I know I do. Owning it is half of the battle. The other half is making a change.

It can be challenging to think that just as much as I have toxic people in my life, I most likely was ( and will be ) a villain in someone else's life. I am guilty of that. Even though I wish I could be the hero in every person's book that I've been a part of, the fact is - I'm not. I've definitely made some special guest appearances as "Poison Ivy" or "Harley Quinn". Whether it was (or will be) intentional or unintentional, we're all guilty of being the villain at some point in our lives.

I need to own up to the stories where I've been a villain. Apologize for it. And use those experiences to change for the better.

We all have the good and bad in us. Sometimes the good wins and other times, the bad wins. For me, I kept feeding the bad wolf for quite sometime and I came to place where I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize who I was turning into. I did not like the person that was looking back at me. That is when I realized I had to make changes to help the good win more often than the bad. Now don't get it twisted - it doesn't mean that I'm all good all the time. There will be days where I'm not the most pleasant and I may play the villain (just ask my mom).

I wish I could say that I will never be the villain again but I would probably be lying to you and myself. I'm human and make mistakes on the daily (again, just ask my mom). Even though I'd like to think I'm a good person, it doesn't mean that I haven't had bumps on my path. And it also doesn't mean that I won't make mistakes again. It means that for some, when they think of me, it isn't all flowers and Rosé. Although I wish I could go back to every villain-ness part I've played and redo the moment - I can't.

But if it wasn't for falling down and realizing, "I am what I'm running away from", I wouldn't have grown as much as I have. I would be at a character standstill: staying the same chapter after chapter.

Try not to look at your mistakes and past, ended relationships with regret. Rather look at them and use them to help you grow into a better person. Easier said than done, I know. When I look at my relationships that have failed because of me, I highlight the places where I can work on to be a better person moving forward. Because if I don't, I would be the villain over and over again. It would only add negative, regretful chapters in my book. Instead, I look at my toxic choices from my past and use those moments to better me so I don't continue an unhealthy cycle. Don't get me wrong - it's not easy. It takes practice, sucking up your pride, and humbling yourself which, at times, is not my cup of tea (just ask any of my exes). But it's worth it. Growth is worth it. You're worth it.

Every single chapter in your life counts. The bad. The good. The worse. And the better. They all matter. If we only focus on the good - you'll only be good. But if we use the bad to highlight what we want to be and what we want to change, we'll be better. If all I heard was compliments and I never received constructive feedback, I wouldn't grow. None of us would. We'd stay the same throughout our book and who would really want to read a novel where the character doesn't change for the better? Not me. It would frustrate me to keep reading about a character who continues to be toxic and doesn't acknowledge it and try to be better.

You owe it to yourself to look in the mirror and be better. But remember: Growth not perfection. It's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to realize that you've been the villain. What's not okay is not owning up to it and not being accountable for your actions. No one wants to hear, "I'm sorry", followed by the action that they just apologized for. I think part of being accountable is making a change following the apology and trying to be consistent with the change.

So who are you today: bad wolf? good wolf? Ignoring all the growth or accepting the lessons and learning to be a better person?

Challenge yourself to look at the roles you played and are playing in your relationships. How can be you be better?