Bare with me when when I say, we can all agree that “The Office” is an iconic show. One of the scenes and episodes that sticks with me the most was the episode where Pam the receptionist finds out that her parents are getting divorced. One of her chilling quotes from the episode is after she finds out that her parents get divorced because they don’t feel that they are really in love and she says “As kids, we assume our parents are soulmates - my kids are going to be right about that.” Considering divorce is a regularity this day in age, being a child of divorce can stir up many emotions and questions, ones that the parents don’t know they have. If you come from a “broken home,” you might be able to identify with some of these very common thoughts and confessions. My parents divorced when I was about 9 years old. I have very vague memories of what it was like to have both of my parents together. However, I do remember some of the hardest feelings and emotions that went from the initial separation and now.

1. Having divorced parents leaves a bitter taste about marriage and relationships.
   1. Since I was personally very young when my parents divorced, this didn’t sink in until much later when i started dating. I had a very sour outlook on marriage and serious relationships considering the most important relationship in my life crumbled right in front of me. Being in my first real relationship was basically doomed from the start considering I didn’t want to get married to have my heart broken and I didn’t have high hopes for the relationship to start with.
2. It’s not easy adjusting to the life of separated parents.
   1. When we were younger, we’d think “which parent would i rather live with” was just an interesting conversation starter that would never really would have to be decided, but when you actually have to choose between who to live with most of the time, it’s awkward and upsetting. We love both of our parents, but the sad reality is going back and forth every week is not a stable environment for a child to grow up in. We grow up with two holidays or splitting the holidays into awkward decisions. Dad gets Christmas Eve but Mom gets Christmas Day. It’s never quite as satisfying as having all of your family with you all at once but that’s not how life works anymore.
3. Divorce court (or whatever it’s actually called) is the absolute worst.
   1. the very vague memories I have of my parents custody battles were the worst possible thing that a young child should have to go through. Confession time: When I went to my parents custody counselor, I had just gotten into a disagreement with my dad the day prior, so I was extremely biased into speaking badly about my dad. I was also only about 10 years old and didn’t know how to keep emotion out of business, but alas, the court decided that I was only allowed to see my dad the two days he had off each week which was not always promised. It was one of my biggest regrets going in there so sour towards him.
4. The fear of step parents and step siblings is like no other.
   1. We’ve all seen the movies where the princess is given an evil step mother who ruins everything and brings snobby and spoiled step siblings to the party. The idea of calling any step parent “mom” or “dad” is nauseating. Sharing our home with a complete stranger is unfamiliar and even if we dislike the person our parents bring into our family, we don’t feel inclined to tell them that their date is a life-sucking parasite because frankly, it’s not our love life.
5. Eventually, with no warning, the realization sets in.
   1. For awhile, it’s weird to explain to your peers that your parents are divorced. There so many little awkward moments that you try to avoid so you don’t have to explain the taboo situation you’re in. however, one day, without warning, it just becomes second nature to react in such a way that only someone with divorced parents do. Like when someone asks you to hang out after school, but after school you need to pack to go to your other parent’s house, instead of stumbling over your words and creating an uncomfortable situation with your friends, you just say “I’m going to my dad’s so I can’t,” and all of sudden it doesn’t sound so weird. It’s actually weirder to think of situations where your parents were together.
6. We forget what it was like to have “non-divorced” parents.
   1. It’s almost 11 years after my parents have gotten divorced, and it’s strange to think about when my family use to be together. For my high school graduation, my sister threw a party for my and invited both sides of the family into the same household and let me tell you, it was unbelievably uncomfortable. Having my parents voluntarily within feet of each other with their didn’t even feel like it use to. We don’t remember family vacations or our parents kissing. You begin to realize that your parents don’t have to be husband and wife to be Mom and Dad.
7. When our parents “date” it’s terrifying and weird.
   1. I can’t tell you that it isn’t weird when your parents start dating and your introduced to your new step parent. We will hate the majority, but if we’re lucky, we’re given a step parent who not only makes your mom or dad a better person but they make you a better person too.
8. We start to feel thankful that our parents are no longer together.
   1. Looking back at my parents pre-divorce, it’s uncomfortable. You begin to remember that suppressed memories of all the fighting or violence and you feel thankful that you no longer have to be around that kind of negativity. You see both of your parents thrive into the people that they couldn’t be in a toxic relationship.
9. We begin to feel like a family again, even if there two sides.
   1. On both sides of what is your family now, you begin to see that family grow. Just because your parents end their marriage doesn’t mean your family is going to be cut off at the stem then eventually wilt away and die. Your family still grows. Maybe, your parents don’t get remarried or have more children with a different person, but if they do, what was once two broken pieces becomes two full ones.
10. Seeing our parents happy again, seems to be worth all the heart ache.
    1. None the less, when your parents get divorced, it’s a pain in which you never truly completely recover from. I would never wish that kind of childhood on anyone, but just because your parents don’t love each other anymore doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s not the end of your family, it’s just a fresh start and although it feels odd at first, it truly gets better. In my personal experience, I saw my mom become a happier person when she met the love of her life and married him, which restored my hope in finding my own someone and I saw my father become a happier person when a new son that, although he ages like the rest of us, keeps him young and peppy. It all becomes worth it the battle, trust me.