When you're a freshman in college, it can sometimes be hard to find plans on the weekends. Freshmen are at the bottom of the food chain, and when you can't get into a bar or a house party, frats are a fun place for you to go. As a freshman girl, I understand this struggle completely. For you incoming freshmen, here are the five stages of attending a frat for your future reference.
1. What are you going to wear?
Almost every frat party has a theme. Country night, tight and bright, neon themed, beach – all sound totally normal, right? But then, there are ones you literally have no idea like “frats and cats” or the dreaded “ABC” party (anything but clothes – don’t tell your parents that one). I mean, what on earth am I going to where to an anything but clothes party? Oh sure, there will be girls dressed as cases of beer and boxes of wine because everyone has time to make those outfits, right? But then, there will be me walking by my 20-year-old security guard, wearing a shirt made out of my empty pretzel bags. Um, no, thank you.
2. Getting there.
Arriving at a frat is arguably the hardest part about going to a frat for a few reasons. Sometimes when you arrive to a frat, you don’t even think it’s a frat. On the outside, it might look like a regular dorm building or a quaint house in a lovely neighborhood. But once you step inside, you realize that you are in a place very far from what you might describe as “quaint.” There also might be a line outside in which you have to wait in. As you wait in this line, you will come extremely close to 1) Peeing your pants and 2) Calling it quits and going home. Pizza will fulfill you forever, and a frat party is only temporary. However, this never actually happens because deep down, you are so curious about what it's like inside, you just have to stay. You will get to the door and you will be asked if you are on “the list.” Peek at the first name you see on the paper and become her. Sorry, Becky!
3. Where am I?
As you step into the party, your first emotion will be fear. You will most likely feel as if you entered an alternate universe, and you will no longer remember waiting in the long line outside. You’re on the inside now, and I must employ you to never be the drunkest girl at the frat. I’m not saying that every time you go to a frat, you will end up on an episode of "Dateline." I have actually found that most frats have strict codes of conduct when it comes to these parties. What I mean is, at this frat, there will be stairs, lots of them. You never want to be the girl someone takes a Snapchat of taking a lovely tumble. There will also be lights at the party that would be a sober person’s head spin. Imagine what it would do to a drunk person. Puke.
4. Actually partying.
After you get over the original confusion and fear, you will eventually start to relax and enjoy yourself. Create a small circle of girls you know, girls you kind of know and girls whose names you should know but don’t. The music will be good, and the dancing will be fun. However, choose wisely about what guys you dance with. Also, there will almost always be a random middle-aged man walking around. Do not engage. At some point in the night, you will absolutely need to go to the bathroom. The bathroom line will be extremely long. Life tip: Befriend the drunk girl next in line. She will almost always let you pee with her. And no, you do not ever have to speak to her again.
5. Knowing when it’s time to leave.
After about two hours at the party, you will feel like you have been there for two years. The outside world will seem like a distant land to you, and you will have to think about how you are going to get home. Teleport? Fly? Walk? What you do is steal a drunk girl’s cab outside. She doesn’t need one right now, anyway. You will know when it’s time to leave when the dance floor isn’t packed like a can of sardines, and you realize you’ve been dancing in the same spot for an hour. Leave now before Domino’s closes, and you can enjoy your cinnamons sticks in peace.
